Holding Onto the Good

We all affect one another whether we realize it or not. We are part of one another's stories and we cannot be erased...no matter how good or bad the situation may be, no matter how long or short our meeting might have been.


I am forever changed by the people I have both loved and feared. I love sushi because I was adopted into a family of 9 in Tulsa, OK during my college years. I know how to run a structured classroom because of a principal who chided me for allowing students to sharpen pencils in the middle of the school day, among many other things. I use expressions I never thought I would use all because I have spent time with people who use those same words. There are places, and people, and causes that are so important to me now. I never would have known them without the influence of another.

Life is a beautiful tapestry woven in such a miraculous way. I don't believe that any of us meet by chance. I don't believe that our lives are a series of chaotic and random events. I don't believe it because there are too many reasons to believe that there is a purpose behind it all.

I am aware enough to know that I can easily let people down, because I have. I'm humbled enough to know that there are those who will still love me through the years and despite my imperfections. This kind of friendship means more than anything in the world. It's the kind of friendship I long to extend.

There is a profound depth to our souls...so deep sometimes that we do not realize the connections that are made or the impact of those connections. I do not step out of my door without remembering. I do not hear a sound or a song without the accompaniment of the past. The smell of school supplies alone will send me back to childhood and what it was like to anticipate a fresh season of learning. Who knew, that many years later, I would stand in front of the class shaping the minds of my very own students? Who knew that the circumstances I faced would help me to connect with the circumstances of the lives of the little ones that I see every day?

Yes, memory is an inevitable side effect of time. It lends itself to the tasks of either detriment or fruitfulness in our lives. We get to decide. If we long to move forward, if we long for the fruit of love in our lives, we can no longer complain that "he did this" or "she did that". It must become "because of ___, I will now ____". No more victim mentality to the throws of the past. No more lying down and letting painful memories trample our hearts. At some point, the ashes will become a beautiful masterpiece. It is the faithful promise of a loving God.

So, I can either be thankful that loving someone has changed my life or I can be full of despair at the alterations I did not want to see. Someone said to me once, "It's not about what God is taking out, it's about what He is putting in." I want to see everything in that light. God, what are you making room for? What are you putting into me through knowing these people? What lasting gifts have you given to me even in the seeming loss of what I held so dear?

When we are thankful for the people (good and bad and everything in between) that we have been given (people who literally cross our paths in our every day lives), when we see that God was loving us all along, when we choose to accept the passing of seasons, there is a difference in our lives. It's not about controlling our own perfect circumstances or relationships. It's not about loving or hating everything that someone stood for or still stands for in our lives. It's about choosing to trust...that all of it...every broken piece, every color, every smell, every sound, every word on a page, every place that holds a memory, every musical note in a song...will be redeemed, will be made right, will lend itself to the masterpiece of a beautiful story.

We are better for knowing one another. We are better for the gifts that we give and have been given. We are better for the cleansing and the strengthening that has come through trials. We are better for the chance to know this God for who He really is.

We are better because we are loved by a God who works ALL things together for the good. (Romans 8:18-28)

~1 Thessalonians 5:21~

Test everything. Hold on to the good.

To Dream Again

It has felt like a very bad dream, for a very long time.

I get to the point where I feel wide awake...I forget that anything was ever wrong. Sometimes it's with close friends. Most of the time it's in the middle of a school day. Eighteen little 6 and 7 year olds will brighten anyone's day. Well, at least they brighten mine. :) When I'm at school, I feel alive and way more like myself. I love the teachers I work with. I love my kids. But, at the end of the day, we all leave, and I remember...that tonight I will go home to one frozen Amy's organic dinner and maybe some ice cream with frozen berries a little while later. I remember that there is music to write. I remember that I don't know the words. I remember how much I miss that back porch swing and afternoons at the park.

Life is not the same. What I believed about people is not the same. Every new piece of information that comes my way is a new twist and turn. But, when all is said and done, there is nothing I can do about that...except pick up my heart and move forward.

Even in the midst of change, there are so many beautiful pieces to hold onto. I love giving more than ever. Being outdoors is now more of a basic necessity. I want simplicity and realness. I want honesty...at any cost. I want to be relevant...yet effective. I want to know God...I'm tired of all things religious. I don't have it all together...and now...that's okay. I don't have to be strong anymore. I take each day as it comes.

Someone very important died this past spring. I only spent time with him a handful of times over the past couple of years. I was privileged to have known him, loved him as a brother. He had a way of putting others at ease. He had a way of making those around him feel alive. What I remember about him, I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I'll never forget how he cared for me without ever really knowing me. I'll never forget the way that even after he was gone he found a way to tell me that I was important. I think about him every day. I think about the family that I loved as my own. I still hear their words ringing in my ears, "No regrets." I want to embrace life. I want to ask the questions. I want love with honesty and affection. I want to laugh and see the whole world. I lost everything this past spring...I lost all of them. They lost me. And I've been taking one breath at a time ever since.

I lost my church family. I lost the things I thought were really important to me. But one thing I know...that when one little sheep goes missing...God leaves the 99 to go find him. And so, I am hoping, that soon, very soon, I will be found by the God who loves me. I want to wake up from the ledge I have been standing on. I want to breath a sigh of relief and not be afraid to dream again.

Extreme Home Makeover

I spent the evening on the other side of town watching a couple hundred volunteers rebuild a school with Extreme Home Makeover. This school had been flooded in the spring floods earlier this year. If you watched any news footage of Nashville back at that time, you probably remember a portable classroom floating down the highway. This is the school that is now being helped.

I had gone in hopes of volunteering after school today, but when I got there, I was told that there were already too many volunteers for the evening. Good problem to have. So I did the next best thing and stood along the spectator fence. I probably stood for about an hour, watching the volunteers put together pieces of the project. Everything was well organized. The volunteers were happy and glad to be there. The evening air was warm and beautiful, the sunset full of color. There is something wonderful about the smell of lumber, and even more wonderful is the sight of a community working together.

I thought about the fact that at one point...this whole project...this whole show...was an idea in someone's head. When shared, this idea then sparked the ideas of a few more people. I wondered if at some point they had even imagined that the value of their idea would inspire the hard work and dedication of hundreds, even thousands, of others across the country.

I thought about the ideas in my own heart. I thought about the differences between the ideas of these producers and my own. They probably have a lot to do with vision, resources, implementation, and hard work. Nothing is impossible...it just takes follow through, it takes not giving up. It probably takes believing that the ideas and the dreams are worth running after.

In between all of those thoughts, I longed to do something bigger than myself. I longed to make a difference and love other people well.

PS - I also wished to see Ty...or someone from the show...lol. Maybe tomorrow. :)

Link to show ---> Extreme Home Makeover in Nashville