One day, it will all make sense....

After my treatment today, I pondered the words of my technician.
In the midst of the pain she had said, "Well, I always say that I can stand the pain as long as I know that in the end it will be something that makes me feel better about myself". And let me tell you, the treatment was PAINful. But hours later I don't remember the pain as much. I mean, I remember...it's just that the benefits begin to far outweigh those moments of great discomfort. And every couple of months, I know that I will subject myself to this pain yet again. But there is an end goal....there is something I want more than the pain itself...and so I must be willing to walk through the process.

All this to say, there are other discomforts....other processes to walk through....painful at times. And tonight I reminding myself that there is an end in sight....there is a reason for the pain and there is an better outcome directly connected to the end of it.

Depth comes through waiting and walking through.
Without waiting I don't think we'd ever become who we were meant to be.
We become more real.
More relatable.
More able to reach out and connect to others who have been waiting too.

Well, this is about all I can muster at the moment...other than to say...that God is good and He hears the cries of our hearts. I look forward to seeing His answers in the days to come.

Helped

I called him during my lunch hour on Wednesday as my car began to shudder and shake. I had left the school to buy cookies for the teacher meeting that afternoon. Most likely, I could have figured it out on my own...I could have waited until I left school to take my car to the garage. I could have ignored the problem and hoped for it to go away. But my dad is the best answer in any car crisis. I count on him to know what to do next. So I called to tell him about the problem. Almost right away he had already decided...he was going to take the day off to help me fix my car. What do you do in a moment like that...knowing your dad is going to come to the rescue...go out of his way to take care of something ?

I woke up this morning with the puffiest eyes I have ever seen. Seriously, I look like I have the eyes of a 70 year old. I called my mom...because mom's know what to do when it comes to things like this. She left her quiet Saturday morning to come and take me to the doctor. And I could have gone by myself. But it was so nice to have her there.

And then, this afternoon...after I had been held at the doctor's office for what seemed like forever and then finally got home...I was about in tears....my friend called. She brought me dinner from Panera...we watched a movie together...she drove me to WalGreen's to buy eyedrops and allergy medicine as we reinacted scenes from Hitch. I felt so cared for.

And my roomate...is so giving...goes out of her way to take care of so many things. Her and her boyfriend have blessed my life. I'm not sure that they even know how much encouragement I have received just from being around them.

I feel as if I am on the receiving end of so much grace. I am being helped instead of having to survive on my own. I don't know why it feels so out of the ordinary...but it does...and I am so thankful.

A Poem (or Poems) for the Evening

We wrote 5 W's Poems in class today. (Who, What, When, Where, Why) I think this type of poem reminds me of Wes. It captures a great deal of thought in very few words.

I
am still waiting
through days and nights
in my heart of hearts
because it is hard to give up hope.

Here is another:

He
listened to my words
that day
in the midst of other activities
contemplating, I suppose, what it might be like.

I
looked into his eyes
that same day
at the table where we sat
hoping to invest in more moments of just the same.

And another:

That city
has been calling my name
for six years
from some place deep within
unwilling to let me stay where I have settled in.

One more:

God
help me to rest from worry
tonight
in the patterns of my thoughts
I need to trust you.

I
feel better
now
at my computer
my thoughts creatively expressed and standing on their own.

It's hard to stop writing these poems....hehe. :)