The love of God never fails. He will never disappoint us. That I know.

The question that I ask myself tonight...

Why do I long for what I cannot have?

Why, after I have determined that the answer must be no, do I continue to hope for what cannot be?

Why do I not long for God, the way I long for this person?

Never before have I felt this torn by conflicting feelings. I based my decision not upon feelings, but upon a realization that I could not follow through and still follow God's perfect plan for my life. It would have been compromise, I continue to reason with myself.

Earlier today, I was content; I had made the right decision. Now, I am fighting again. Fighting emotions and longings that should never have been started in the first place. I didn't ask for this. I have been careful to stay out of these situations. I thought so at least. I even tried to keep my heart to myself this time. But still, he pursued me. And I had to say no. I had to look at him, all the while longing to say yes, and tell him that it wasn't right. Was it? Was it not? All I can do is walk forward and wait for relief. All I can do is hope that God miraculously changes my heart and mind. It's the only way.