"But that seems to be my life recently."

I keep saying this to myself when I look around and see the need for change. How long has it been this way? I'm not quite sure. But, for real, it is time to set some things in order.

Admittedly, it has been almost two weeks since I've picked up my guitar. Poor girl she needs more practice. So I picked her up tonight and I couldn't remember how to play this new arrangement of Breathe. "Argghh," I thought, "I'll have to go to my lesson again without being an expert at the homework I was given to work on." But was that really the point of starting my lessons? Was it to impress some instructor who sees me for thirty minutes a week? No. So I am questioning this lack of playing. Am I too busy? Am I preoccupied? Do I really love to play as much as I think I do?

In addition, I am quite unsatisfied with how a lot of things are running at the moment. I thrive on organization, but I cannot seem to get organized. There is clutter here and piles there. There are dirty dishes in my car and school books on my bedroom floor. My classroom is slightly better, but it is not the picture of perfection that lives inside of my head. I used to chalk this up to my free spirited personality, but it's starting to drive me nuts.

My days often turn out dull and unfulfilled. Lack of discipline could be at the root of this...sad but true. Sometimes, I feel as if this great cloud blocks my view of what's really going on. I have looked away from the things that are truly important and have forgotten the joy and the fullness that they bring to my life...the guitar being only one example. Maybe it is this admittance that is the first step. Maybe. I think I know though. It's really that I have neglected the One who brings true life. Well, not totally, but yes a whole lot. In all of my hurt over the past year, I found a new side to this walk of faith. It is foreign and requires strength I'm not sure I have yet.

Without fear of reproach or rejection

You have called me to walk by your side

Duty does not raise its voice

And others who threw rocks of guilt and shame

have been silenced by their own misery

This new understanding breathes life

Lord, raise my eyes to yours

smile and say my name

Hold my hand and steady my pace

as my feet walk the path once again.