Help Wanted

It is a curious thing how one can go from independence to total reliance. I do not think I am reliant enough on the Lord by any means. In fact, I think most of the time I am trying to prove that I have got it together enough just to please His heart...as if the measure of my effort is helping Him out in some sort of way...or earning His love and respect. And honestly, I think it is the measured effort that has caused me to push God away so many times and turn my eyes from what is truly important. I think all that He really wants is to hear that we want Him...that we need Him...that we can't wait to be with Him. Because that is what He is saying to us.

If we would just sit with Him. If we would just plan time with Him. If we would just be open with Him and share our hearts. If we would just stop trying to live as if we could make it on our own. "Look, God, I can survive!" "Look I can do it all by myself!" Granted, there is joy in finding new strength and ability. But to then take that joy and keep it only to ourselves? How sad He must feel...when He gives a gift but cannot share in the enjoyment of the gift. How sad He must feel to give dreams and visions to only become an afterthought in the undertaking of the very things He created.

More and more I feel myself moving from independence into reliance. My life not only affects others, but it is affected by them. It makes me feel vulnerable. What if I make a mistake? Will the whole thing fall apart? Will the others eventually go away when seeing that my need is too great? I don't know how to rely on someone else. I don't know how to trust that someone else could take my feelings and my heart and care for it the way I hope it would be cared for. We all want to be cared for, do we not? And in the same token, we all want to have someone to give our own affections and attention to. But when that time comes...and here it is coming for me...it is so different to say that the want has now turned into need. I need this love in my life. I need this patience. I need to know everything is going to be okay. I need to know that I am allowed to mess up. I need to know that my words and actions make a difference. It is a realm I am not used to...a realm I never thought I would get the chance to enter...hoped to...but honestly doubted many times. It is a realm that asks for my trust...my dependence on the love of someone else.

It feels really good to be needed. And because of that...I am trying to show my need as well. I am trying to make sure that I do not look as if I want to make it on my own. I have tried it all on my own...it's okay, but it is also lonely. I am finally seeing the fulfillment of someone I have needed for a very long time. I don't want it to go away. I don't want to be alone anymore.

I am sure that God feels the same way about us. He became vulnerable so that we could be with Him too. I'm going to try to trust Him better...because I think that will help me to trust more in every area of my life.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." {Ecclesiastes 4:9-12}