More Lightning 

MSNBC.com
Secret to wedded bliss ? saying sorry

British couple holds record for longest marriage at 80 years

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8047095/?GT1=6657

In response to a recent comment left on my blog, I am making this post tonight. I keep asking myself, "How far will you go to love someone?" I look at the story of Hosea in the Bible. God told him to marry a prostitute and to continue to show her love even after she had left him for other men and had had children that did not belong to him. Would that happen in our society today? I think it is probably quite rare. When someone hurts me, I want to leave them...I do not want to pray for them, I do not want to be an open door for them. Even when I know that they are hurting, it is hard to look on them with love and to be a faithful friend. But that is who God is...He is faithful, He is patient to wait for us, He understands where we are and He does not hold it against us. God's heart towards us is full of unconditional love and the desire that we will come to a point of being able to freely love Him in return. I have a long ways to go before I get to the point of truly living in this way.

The rest of this post is to John and to every other man or woman who commits themself to the service of freedom:

For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.

Romans 5:8

Passion is not just in words, it is in actions. This verse came to life for me because of your examples. You fought for people who sometimes do not even know their own need for freedom, who often fight against you as you lay down your lives for them.

Thank you, John, for fighting for our country. The sacrifices that you and Joe have made have greatly challenged my faith. Am I willing to die for my country? Even more, am I willing to die for the faith that I claim to hold onto? You laid your lives on the line and you set a standard. My life is changed because of you also.

I ran across a new blog this week...Joey is now linked conveniently to your right. Her blog is refreshing and sweet. Check it out. :)

It is way past my bedtime and I just got off the phone...

At one o'clock this morning, I was on the computer talking away with a friend, when the phone rang. Sure enough, the area code indicated that it could be only one of two people. And wonder of wonders, it was the one who promised that I'd never hear from him again.

I believe that God prepares us for moments such as these. Even on the way home tonight I was contemplating the big move and talking to God about the things that I was going to miss about this place. This person who called was also on my heart as I prayed.

So although it was a surprise to see the number on my caller id, it was not a shock as I answered the phone and heard the voice on the other line. Nonetheless, the nervous feeling that I have not felt for quite some time rose up in the pit of my stomach. I had to hold the phone with both hands.

After sharing with this person that I had decided to leave Oklahoma, we began to reminisce a bit. I was drawn into a conversaton of favorite memories and inside jokes. His last memory was very simple. He talked about watching me blowdry my hair on one of his visits. He said that those moments of just watching me do my normal routine just kind of stuck with him. He said, "The good stuff is being able to see people as they really are." It reminded me of a story I heard from another guy who lived in Africa. He said in his community, if they wanted to visit with someone, they would come into the house, say hello, and then squat down silently and watch the people of the house go about their normal routine. After a good amount of time, the visitor would stand up and say, "I have seen you", and then be on their way.

How many people know the real you? How many people see the pre-made up, pre-breakfast, comfortable, relaxed, uninhibited you? I think that is why I miss my friend so much. Because there was a point in our lives where we knew each other, really knew each other.

Four months ago, I would have walked back into an unhealthy relationship. I am so thankful that God was faithful and led me to a place where I could find freedom. There has been a twelve year cycle in my life that I have not been able to escape. And tonight, I escaped...or rather was made aware of my rescue. I sat behind an enormous and safe wall as someone threw pebbles to draw me out. But instead of breaking into my safe haven, the pebbles only clinked and fell to the ground. They did not hurt me anymore.

Dad is the kind of guy who knows how to pack...seriously, if anyone could bring the proverbial camel through the eye of the needle, he'd have a good chance. I was helping my dad pack the truck two nights ago. I looked up at him and asked, "what can I bring you, dad?" He looked at me and answered, "everything". In the context of our conversation his response made perfect sense. But it was also one of those moments where words transcend immediate circumstances. What I heard was more than just a request to bring the rest of my boxes to the packing area.

My dad carried the load that I could not carry with my own car. My dad covered the expenses that I could not cover. All I had to do was bring what I had so that He could arrange and put things into their place. In the midst of this, I saw a picture of me and God, my Father. Isn't God the one preparing the way for me? Isn't God the one who arranges my life? All I have to do is bring Him what I have and what I need Him to carry for me. It makes so much sense.

...What does He want from me? Everything.

I don't know about everyone else but when I think about the term "everything" I hear this groaning inside of me that says, "oh no, what if I don't get these things back?", "what if giving 'everything' requires more than I can give?" This groaning turns into apathy and stores itself as pride. "I can do it on my own. I can go into debt paying my own way. I can handle the stress of trying to find my own way." That or I give the lip service that claims everything but holds much less. "Oh God, you have everything...I give you everything...you have ALL of me." When really, I spend my whole day making choices as if it did not matter to Him. I worry about what I am going to wear or who I am going to talk to or how I am going to make a payment. And I don't even to stop to say, "God, what is your heart about this? What is your will for me today? What should I really be doing in this situation?"

He makes a way for us when we don't know the way. He gives us everything we will ever need. He is there when we need Him. And it's so simple to just bring it. All He asks is that we bring Him our boxes, the precious things we carry with us, the junk that we don't know how to throw away or get rid of. He will arrange it, He will carry it.

...And when the time comes, He carries us.

God carry me and take my fears as I enter this new season.

My bedroom echos. It is empty and for the next two weeks I will sleep on a blow-up mattress (or the couch....we'll see which is more comfortable). My parents took their holiday weekend to help me move all of my things. They showed up today with my uncle's truck....we still haven't figured out what year it is, but let me tell you...it does it's job. ;)

Since my parents showed up, I decided it was a good time for them to meet my closest friends. My "Tulsa family" came over for an early dinner...soup, sandwhiches, fruit salad, berry pie and ice cream. I have waited four years for this day, it was good to have everyone together. Then P. and his roomate came over to eat and help with the moving process. I looked around and felt so blessed to have these people in my life. I had this realization that they are evidence of God's grace in my life. I have gone through some hard seasons, made some wrong decisions, and yet these friends and family have prayed for me, loved me, and stood by me. They even take the time to help with the huge process of moving. I feel as if I couldn't ever repay them for who and what they have been for me.

Oh and here's a thought...All I have left here at my apartment...computer, guitar, Bible, sketchbook, clothes, plants, fish...oh and dishes. And yet the truck is piled high with things that I "need". Hmm...it's nice to scale down...weird to live without furniture, but I'm likin' the simplicity. It's no wonder God doesn't let us take things with us...it takes too long to pack and who really needs the stuff anyways... ;)

Eat your heart out U-Haul! This old truck has done the job and has saved me a thousand dollars, and I am not exaggerating. Thanks to my uncle in Florida, my every (well, almost every) belonging is on its way to the sunshine state.  

The mark of authenticity....my favorite part. :) 

This isn't the brightest picture, but it is in fact what I call evidence of a miracle. A whole bedroom set (we're talking headboard, mattress, boxspring, chest of drawers, double dresser w/mirror, nightstand), 2 bookshelves, boxes and boxes of clothes and books, all of my school supplies (which took up my whole car's backseat and trunk space), a vaccum cleaner, works of art, a filing cabinet, etc., etc., etc., I never thought it would fit! 

...but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven...
for where your treasure is there your heart will be also...

matthew 6:20,21

"It is finished"....the words I said to myself as I left my school building today. I can't believe it's all over! I can't believe it's time to move on from Tulsa. I have waited and waited for this....

I'm going to miss my kiddos. I'm going to miss their laughter and their faces. I'm going to miss watching them grow up through the school years. Little A. was on the playground last Friday as I was cleaning out my classroom. I had her come and pick up her lost bracelet. "Miss T., would you come to my house for dinner sometime?" Her sincerity just melted my heart. Just a couple months ago, as we sat together on the school bus, she asked me, "Could you come to my house for a sleepover?" There were times when I wondered if I was even getting through to this little one. Her ability to follow directions was questionable and a bit frustrating. But by the end of the year, I know she got through to me. She brought me a framed portrait of the words, "A hundred years from now..it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child!" Up until the moment when I opened this gift, I thought of this saying (that I have read many times before) as general and cheesy. But when I read those words and saw the smile on A.'s face, I was brought to tears. Because don't I worry about all that other stuff every single day of my life? And yet the most important things are the children who stare me in the face for eight hours a day, five days a week.

I can see the change that occured in me over this past year. I can see how the capacity to love and teach these children grew more than I thought it could. And I still have so much more to learn...

Looking into yesterday and all the dreams that heaven sent.

Maybe love will come our way

And when I stand upon the land I threw the dreams into the sea

Maybe they will rise again

And maybe, maybe love will come our way

And maybe hope will come to us again

What is this thing called love

I know I've found it, it's in your eyes

What is this thing called love

I know I've found it, it's in your eyes

Looking to the 'morrows dreams

And all the secrets that they hold

Patiently waiting for these days

And when I look into the sky I see that

hope is coming soon

Praying love will come again

And maybe, maybe love will come our way

And maybe hope will come to us again

Delirious

Tonight, I am hoping for a second chance. I look at my life and the choices I have made and I hope that God's mercy is greater than my ignorance and my hardened heart. It is easy to say so, it is harder to believe it. I don't know how to be who I was made to be. But I know it is there. I know that deep inside of me are all of the things I am longing for...peace, purity, fruitfulness, faithfulness, excellence. What is the key to unlock these things? What is the key to unlocking the presence of God in my life once again? He has never left me I am sure. But have I left Him? Deep thoughts on a Friday night...I know. But the more I reflect on circumstances as of late...I really wonder at the state of my heart. I wonder because of the compromise that I see. I hate to even think about it.

Lord, set my feet on paths of righteousness and make my crooked places straight. Turn my heart once again and let me hear the sound of your voice calling. Be near to me, God.

Just found this article...encouraging.

So we released our tadpoles into the pond behind our school today. Let me just say that all 40 kindergarteners were awesome. The other teacher and I made sure to tell them to keep hands and feet out of the water. And that they did. What we neglected to tell them was to keep from touching the dead fish that would be laying on the grass beside the pond. Before we knew it, dead minnows were flying through the air and back onto the surface of the water. Ugh...something to remember for next time. :P

To those of you who know me and who read my posts...to those of you whose email addresses I do not have...I am moving to Jacksonville, FL. June 11 is the date of departure.

We truly never know the plans that God has for us, but we can always trust that they are to give us a hope and a future. I feel more hopeful than I have felt for a long time. It's surprising even to me to keep telling this news. I never thought I'd say the words, "I"m moving to Florida." ...and here I am, just weeks before the u-haul trailer pulls out of town. I can't believe it's all falling into place. God was waiting for the perfect time to open up this door. I feel so blessed to know that He has ordained a new chapter, something fresh...a new adventure. Who knows what else will follow?

What If is written by a new friend of mine. It asks a lot of serious questions I myself have been asking lately. Be careful, you might find yourself in there too.

(The results of a "keys to your heart" test used to be posted here...I have taken them out...weird, but for the past couple of days I could not stand the thought of putting this type of test on my blog (no offense to those who do post these types of tests because they are kind of fun). Although it seemed to offer some sort of insight, I did not like the way it came about. It's gone and I feel much better. Who needs the "experts" anyways?) :)

I couldn't resist adding another kid quote to the mix. :)

Afternoon Recess

C. (brand new student in my class and obviously upset) - "Miss T., B. is trying to give me a wedgie!"

Me (after walking over to B. on the playground) - "B., why were you trying to give C. a wedgie?"

B. (with a look of honest sincerity) - "But, Miss T., I thought he wanted one."

LOL - maybe it's just the end of the year, but i wanted to laugh right out loud

I got pulled over by a police officer tonight, for the first time ever in my life. It wasn't as dramatic as I thought it would be. He pulled me over because of my missing headlight...."Yes, sir, I know..." Then he sat in his car for a few minutes while I prayed for the best possible outcome. I know officers are out there to help you, but they always scare me a little bit. Anyways, he served me a warning, I had to sign for it. Then he looked at me with the concern a dad would have on his face and said, "Be careful". That was nice. I drove exactly the speed limit (well almost exactly) all the way home.

I went to mass with my friend J. tonight, and I must say that some parts of it were very refreshing. Since leaving the small church I attended about this time last year I have stood back and looked at the experience of church in a whole new light. Sometimes, I am drastically bored and at other times I am extremely touched. Mostly though, I find that church is not so normal or comfortable anymore and I find myself searching for the place I once knew as a child...though I doubt it will ever be the same. Tonight, I was not really searching, just tagging along because I had been invited.

I love the reverence that is practiced at Catholic services, though at times the religiousity seems a bit much. But really, I look at what is going on outwardly and I long for that reverence to be found in my own heart. It seems to me that during a Catholic church service, the people sing and repeat such powerful words and I wonder if they even know it. I am often moved to tears (this isn't the first time I have been to mass) by the simplicity and the pointedness of the prayers and recitations and scripture readings. It is as if I am allowed to focus more on the words in the message rather than on how the message is being delivered to me.

After eucharist was served this evening there seemed to be such an intimacy in the chapel. In all of my visits to Catholic churches this was the first time I have ever noticed such a difference. I was sad that I was not Catholic and therefore had not been permitted to take part in the elements. (I mean, they couldn't really know, of course, whether or not I was Catholic, but J. knew, and judging by how I didn't know any of the practices I most likely stood out as an "outsider".) Nonetheless, I was touched by the intimacy of the service. At the end, the priest came and knelt before the altar and for about two minutes there was complete silence in the chapel as we bowed our heads in prayer. How cleansing, prayer without noise, without music, without voices...complete silence aside from a random person's cough here or there. I left the chapel thinking, church should be more like this...contemplative, simple, sincere.

I am posting into the early morning hours after just arriving home from a night of babysitting, and as I post I am looking around at a very spacious bedroom. It is spacious because there is now only one person living in it. Slight evidence would suggest that a roomate existed even this morning...lotion in the bathroom, a small fan on the floor, milk and toaster strudels in the kitchen. Jilli I miss you already.

We contemplated the Howard run last night but opted to forego such an opportunity. For those of you who do not know, the Howard Auditorium is located on the ORU campus and looks like a mini Epcot center. Many students climb this odd shaped building and run its circumference despite security measures taken to keep such activities to a minimum. Instead, we walked the entire campus one last time. If you stand in a spot long enough, it is amazing how memories will come back to you. I could see people and events that took place. I could see the faces of friends and acquaintances. I could feel the weather. I could smell the food. I could almost taste the emotions that I had felt while living on a college campus. I am forever changed because of this season in my life. I am forever changed because of the people I have met and the God that I have come to know. The campus holds something great in its midst. An amazing presence of God makes itself at home on this land. You cannot be on it for long before you realize the peace that pervades everything. It is the only place in the world that I feel safe enough to walk alone at night. And although I cannot stay here, I know that it will stay with me. The seeds of greatness and of healing and of hope have been planted in my heart and as I move on I know that I will be able to spread these seeds to others.

A new season has begun. I sensed its arrival. I knew it was about to come. I knew that life would not be the same. But when it really happened today, it hit me as if by surprise. Oh! I didn't know this was coming. I didn't even get tears in my eyes until about one mile from the airport. Somehow, I hadn't informed myself that Jilli was leaving. The packing, the graduation, the last minute trip to campus last night slipped right past me.

I'm not sure if I am even convinced of my own journey out of Tulsa. I am pretty sure that it is true, but I am also afraid. I keep telling God this, continually hoping for reassurance that I am doing the right thing. This is the first time I have ever made a life decision alone. My parents are not making the decision and there are no friends to make plans and go with me.

What am I leaving behind? What am I walking towards? These are the questions that lay upon my heart. God help me to weigh both in the balances and help me to be sure.