It is way past my bedtime and I just got off the phone...

At one o'clock this morning, I was on the computer talking away with a friend, when the phone rang. Sure enough, the area code indicated that it could be only one of two people. And wonder of wonders, it was the one who promised that I'd never hear from him again.

I believe that God prepares us for moments such as these. Even on the way home tonight I was contemplating the big move and talking to God about the things that I was going to miss about this place. This person who called was also on my heart as I prayed.

So although it was a surprise to see the number on my caller id, it was not a shock as I answered the phone and heard the voice on the other line. Nonetheless, the nervous feeling that I have not felt for quite some time rose up in the pit of my stomach. I had to hold the phone with both hands.

After sharing with this person that I had decided to leave Oklahoma, we began to reminisce a bit. I was drawn into a conversaton of favorite memories and inside jokes. His last memory was very simple. He talked about watching me blowdry my hair on one of his visits. He said that those moments of just watching me do my normal routine just kind of stuck with him. He said, "The good stuff is being able to see people as they really are." It reminded me of a story I heard from another guy who lived in Africa. He said in his community, if they wanted to visit with someone, they would come into the house, say hello, and then squat down silently and watch the people of the house go about their normal routine. After a good amount of time, the visitor would stand up and say, "I have seen you", and then be on their way.

How many people know the real you? How many people see the pre-made up, pre-breakfast, comfortable, relaxed, uninhibited you? I think that is why I miss my friend so much. Because there was a point in our lives where we knew each other, really knew each other.

Four months ago, I would have walked back into an unhealthy relationship. I am so thankful that God was faithful and led me to a place where I could find freedom. There has been a twelve year cycle in my life that I have not been able to escape. And tonight, I escaped...or rather was made aware of my rescue. I sat behind an enormous and safe wall as someone threw pebbles to draw me out. But instead of breaking into my safe haven, the pebbles only clinked and fell to the ground. They did not hurt me anymore.