Thoughts of Home

There is a quietness. I've heard it on the road, in the car, no music playing. As I sit among tall blades of grass and the cool winds blow over me and through the trees. In the way that love has overcome and made a home in the hearts of my very dear friends.

As strongly as tears of grief have made their way into my days...so has a peace...as if it's the only way to move forward. To become quiet. To trust. That all will be well. Just as it was meant to be.

I'm remembering who I am. And I am wondering why I have fought so hard, traveled so far, looked for so long...if home was always this lovely and welcoming and good. Why did I feel the need to leave? And why do I long to return? Can I ever return?

Home has invited me to sit by the fire and tell my story. It has kissed my cheeks and held me close. It has wiped my tears and held my hands. Home has given me a place to rest my head. It has walked down familiar streets and whispered cherished memories I had forgotten. It has told me stories of when I was young. It has reminded me of what I love and of who I love. Home has given me hope for the future. It has breathed life on the dreams that I hold in my heart.

I have tried to breathe in every bit of nature I can this week. I grew up loving the land and the water...I still do. It was so good to have friends to share the beauty of the outdoors with this past week.

I have tried to soak in every moment with friends. Good friends. Friends that span a history of time and distance. They make me laugh out loud. They bring beauty to the world. They dream. They listen and encourage. Their stories are full of ups and downs, tragedy and hope, conflict and peace, adventure and every day simple living. I love them with all my heart. I love God for giving them to me.

There is so much more to say. Healing takes time. But for those of us who are alive...it is inevitable. We must heal so that we can continue to live. For the past three months, over and over again I've heard people say to me, "Get busy living, or get busy dying." Living...that what I choose...I want to live, and I want to live well. None of this in between stuff...teetering between what if's and somedays. It is time to heal. To begin again. To become alive. "No regrets." That's another one. I hear it everywhere. It's time to love better. To embrace what and who we have been given. To find the place we are called to. To know the God who has called us.

We don't have to know everything. We don't have to have every detail of the future in place. But if we know God is good...then we will know our future is secure. We'd be able to slow down...to enjoy Him...to enjoy each other...to stop being afraid and let the healing begin.

his chest is full of memories
of gold and silver tears
i’ll give you more to own than all of this
and i’ll give you more than years
for you were once a child of innocence
and i see you just the same
your burdens couldnt win or lose a thing
oh i’d tell you once again
but you’re always on the run

slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your heart now, oh
you can trust in love again
slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your smile now, oh
you can trust in love again

if you leave, i’ll still be close to you
when all your fears rain down
i’ll take you back a thousand times again
and i’ll take you as my own
i will sing you songs of innocence
till the light of morning comes
till the rays of golden honey cover you
in the sweetness of the dawn
but you’re always on the run

slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your heart now oh
you can trust in love again
slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your smile now oh
you can trust in love again

you’re not alone
you’re now a part of me
you feel the cure
i feel the toil it brought you