Verse of the Day

"For your waste and desolate places,

And the land of your destruction,

Will even now be too small for the inhabitants;

And those who swallowed you up will be far away,

The children you will have,

After you have lost the others,

Will say again in your ears, 'The place is too small for me;

Give me a place where I may dwell.'

Then you will say in your heart,

"Who has begotten these for me,

Since I have lost my children and am desolate,

A captive, and wandering to and fro?

And who has brought these up?

There I was, left alone;

But these, where were they?'"

Isaiah 49:19-21

This passage spoke to me tonight as I read through Isaiah. It breathes hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. It speaks of life when only death and loss were expected. God truly does make all things new.

I am sitting on my back porch, enjoying the sounds and smells of an evening rain and the fact that I can blog via wireless out here. I figure that it's about time for an update.

Seven weeks into school and I have had seven new children in my class. I'm up to a population of 24. Rumor has it that my class is the largest in the building. Great. :)

I'm learning that to get the respect of these kids, I have to be hard on them. I hate being hard on them. I just want to love on them and teach them good things. The biggest lesson in my classroom for the past two weeks is...respect your teacher and respect the people around you. Ughh...once we get past this stage I hope they will be able to handle some academic work. To those of you who are in the teaching world..you're probably guessing that I'm a bit behind schedule.

I see a few of them really trying though. The toughest kids are some of the smartest...big surprise. And the ones working the hardest are the ones that I least expected to be doing so. I see so much potential, but I admit to being overwhelmed at where to start.

In other news, my 26th year is at the door. I didn't feel old until I read one of my student's papers in class today. Her mother is 26. I heard myself saying, "Oh, your mom and I are the same age!" Is it me, or does that sound a bit odd?

I especially liked the add for Coca-Cola. This is the town of Fernandina Beach on Amelia Island. The streets of shops continue on both sides for about a mile and turn down side streets as well. 

The railroad. My sister. A beautiful day. 

Standing at Front and Centre. 

Finally, a beach without tourists and hotels. 

Mom's Birthday. On our way to the white sand.

Fernandina Beach. The edge of town just before the water. 

Amelia Island

I found an incredible oasis here in Florida. The past two weekends I have stepped into another world. A world that breathes peace and simplicity. A world that allows me to breathe and to feel creative and alive and quite like myself without the cares of the world.

Amelia Island is located less than an hour north of Jax. Yesterday, a friend and I ate lunch at Lulu's Bra & Grill (no mispelling intended here...we found it b/c every single other cafe closes in town between 2 and 5pm), walked down streets lined with shops pretty enough to fit into a small town movie set, sat on the beach like children sifting through thousands of shells, drudged up because of the hurricane, looking for shark's teeth (we found two), and shared tears with a Christian artist in her studio as she told us about her experiences with Christ.

I am about ready to pack up and move to the island. Although, I feel as if it wouldn't be quite right, at least not yet. I have a job to do. I have some stretching left.

I am pressing on in the school arena. It will be quite a year I am sure, one that I cannot make it through without the strength of God. I'm not quite sure what God is doing or rather what I thought He was doing when I decided to move here.

But I will look back on this day and see it clearly. My prayer is that God will open my eyes in this place. That He will show me why He has led me here. That I will walk with the trust and faith of child, sure of His goodness, sure of His presence, sure of His promises.

Before we left the studio, the artist we met said, "I want to share one more thing with you." She shared the story of her husband's illness and death from cancer, and how God moved in the situation. She shared about the last moments and experiencing the transfer of death to life. She said to us, "No matter what happens in your life, ALL of God's promises are TRUE." That thought is engrained upon my heart tonight. I know a lot about God, have been His child for all of my life, but I wonder how much I believe His promises. I wonder how many of His promises I have hidden in my heart.

It is time to look for the promises of God and to hold out hope for His return.

I smell fall in the air. The season must be engrained upon my senses, because it is still summer as far as Florida is concerned.

Lookout point for soldiers of the past...taken from the lookout tower of an old fort in St. Augustine. 

Does this sign seem odd to anyone else? 

Fernandina Beach...gotta love a sunset. 

This is part of downtown Jax...kinda looks like an oil painting the way it turned out. 

Be ready in season and out of season.

Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching...

Be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist,

fulfill your ministry.

2 Timothy 4:2,5

This past Friday can go down as one of the most frustrating teaching days I have ever experienced. The day started out with an upset parent and ended up with an 8 year old child throwing a tantrum in my classroom. In between, a whole lot of other things occured that were less than favourable, and all of a sudden I realized that I am in for a challenge this year.

Call it naivity and inexperience. Call it blind faith. Call it whatever you like. I still believe that there is good in each and every one of these children.

They have been trained and raised to fight at every offense taken against them. A misguided word, a crossing of the eyes, the gesture of a hand will send even the smallest one reeling against another.

"My momma said that if anybody gets in my face, I can hit 'em."

Yep, that is truly what their momma's say. And now I believe it. That is all they seem to know. I don't know if I will be able to change their way of thinking. But I sure hope to be planting some seeds of life into their little hearts. We had a long talk about what to do if someone was causing them trouble. Most chirped up with suggestions for beating the other person up. They didn't have any other solutions and I think it is because they've never really been given another solution. So instead of telling them what to think my challenge for them was to think for themselves. The question posed on my front board in the classroom is now, "Can you find a better way?" And that is what I now ask them constantly...whether it be math, or reading, or solving a social problem.

And so I am challenged too. B/c I was so frustrated this weekend that I did not want to go back to school. I wanted to go back to my middle class, suburban children. I had it easy. As I sat in the chair behind my desk, watching the rain fall, fighting back tears, I began to think about the challenge before me. My first thought was to call my professor whom I have always depended on for support and encouragement, and then realized that everything I needed to know she has taught me. And everything I don't know...God will show me along the way. There is more inside of me than I realize I suppose.

I began to think about God's call on my life.

What is call God's call on my life? What has He prepared me for? What is He preparing me for? I have no idea, but I do know that I am on my way somewhere. I know that there are others who need to know Him. So for now, this teaching job IS my ministry. And realizing this was a hard one to swallow. I do not feel like a missionary...I do not feel like a pastor...I do not feel like an intercessor or any of those other labeled ministry jobs. But yet God has placed me here and now I have to respond and do my best.

Fulfilling my ministry in this season is simply loving God and loving the people He has placed in my life. I expected that it would be hard, but I did not expect the emotion that comes with the hardness. I truly need His strength to make it through this year.

This past week, I came upon a surprising recognition. It was during a late night conversation with a fellow teacher (and new friend) over hot chocolate and a Krispy Kreme donut. We were talking about relationships and comparing where we are at in age to where we thought we'd actually be. And then she said (in paraphrase) that she really admired how content I seem to be in spite of the fact that I'm going on 26 and still not even close to being married.

It reminded me of a moment about 6 years ago when I was visiting my very single, yet very happy with her life, 27 year old friend. I remember praying, "God, pllleaasse don't let it take that long for me to meet Mr. Right." I never thought I'd be looking at 26 the way she had seen 27 and 28 and 29 before she finally met the man she would marry. I never wanted to think about being single for that long.

Yet, here I am and I am totally happy about it. I don't WANT to get married just to get married anymore. I don't want to be in a relationship just to have someone to talk about or just to have someone to talk to. I love having friends. I love traveling. I love reading a book for hours a day. I love being able to change my plans at any moment. I love having time to just sit and reflect and play music. I love being able to spend money on whatever I want to spend it on. I love having freedom to live my life.

I have been on the other side. The side where everything I loved and cherished was squelched and locked up in a place that I felt obligated to turn away from. All in the name of "love". I let another person decide for me what was important and put my own feelings, thoughts, and dreams in the background. I proclaimed to myself that what I wanted did not matter as much as making the relationship work. And all that time, I never realized, that I was not loving myself enough and, therefore, could not fully love that person either. No, I never want to go back to that place.

Do I want to get married? YES
Do I want to have my own family? YES

But not until it is right. Not until I know that we'll be the very best of friends and enjoy our lives together. Not until I see that he is the one God had in mind when He created me.

" Too many people are trying to meet the right person

Instead of trying to be the right person."
Russ Myers

My sentiments exactly...been pondering this same thing and ran across this quote tonight.

"Yes, it was good..."

Tonight I am sitting at Panera in Jacksonville, FL and I am missing the places and the people known to me in the most recent years of my life.

I miss my roomates. I miss chatting with Ria. I miss Jenny's smiles and hugs. I miss Jilli's everyday friendship. I miss Starbucks on Sundays. I miss the small elementary school I worked in. I miss the teachers there. I miss the kiddos and any confidence I had that I actually knew what I was doing. I miss my extended Tulsa family. I miss the few good friends I did have left after the college crowd scattered.

My sister is about to embark on the ORU experience. I find myself wishing that I could be there (in Tulsa) too. How odd...seeing as how I was so excited to get myself out of there. Don't get me wrong. I am doing just fine here. I love being near my parents and sister again. I love having new places to explore and meeting new people. Tonight, I am just missing some pieces that are close to my heart.

Slowly but surely my heart is being renewed in this place. I have been made aware of some things that are not right and at the same time I have felt the calling of a deeper sort, the right things rising to the surface. I think I did have to come here. I don't know how long I will be here. I don't know what God has for me to do. But I know that whatever it is, it will be good. I will look back and say..."yes, it was good."

Imagine my excitement upon seeing 9 comments in my comment section...and then imagine my disappoinment after seeing that 3 of these comments were merely SPAM. Ughh...how in the world did they find me? And even more importantly, do they actually think that I'd believe their claim to liking my blog?

Dear Readers,
I know that it's been awhile...hope you're still checking every once in awhile. :)

As per Amy's request I will fill you in on the first week of school.

First off, I couldn't have asked for a better place. For being a city school...the campus is well taken care of, the people are friendly, and for the most part I have not seen any big student problems.

My classroom:
*is at least double the size of my classroom last year.
*contains a whole wall of windows and two doors.
*produces at least one large palmetto bug for me dispose every couple of days.
(now mind you that I cannot squish these bugs...they are large and full of squishy insides...I must first trap them and then manuever them through the outside door...where I am sure inevitably they only wait for the opportunity to return to my classroom again.)
*is filled with all the materials I could ever need
(thankfully this is a title I school which somehow has extra money to provide what teachers need.)

My students:
*continue to add in number every day. (seriously, I have gotten at least four more than I expected.)
*have been surprisingly well behaved...better than I expected anyways.
*7 girls/13 boys
*the majority eat breakfast in my classroom b/c they do not eat at home
*are very eager to learn
*are sweet
*have been taught at home that if someone gets in their face they are allowed to hit them (learned this lesson from two of my girls who were having a misunderstanding)

I:
*am the minority in my class.
*am overwhelmed with information, and standards, and requirements, and meetings, and lesson plans, and this new concept of grading papers (in kindergarten this did not happen), and portfolios, paperwork...did I leave anything out? :)
*am excited about this opportunity...I enjoy working with the older ones.
*have improved on my classroom management since last year (though I know I still have a lot to learn)
*have made some new friends among the teachers, there are a lot of younger teachers at the school, which is very nice.
*have already gotten my first paycheck!!! ..can we say no state tax and full medical coverage? (and I'm still looking to see if they are going to help me out with school loans...there's a good possibility.)

Student quotes:

*On the first day, "Are you going to be our teacher for the whole year?"

*After scribbling out only the words (and not the rest of the paper) on a discipline note home my student explained,

"yeah, my baby brother did that."

More to come...the year's still young. :)