I called my professor today; finally, after surviving two months of third grade. She told me everything I knew already, she encouraged me to keep going. Somehow, just hearing her voice assured me that I could go on at least another week. I can't quit these kids, but I sure can't keep going with the way it is.
If I could just find myself in prayer, then it would probably be better. Call it stubborness, call it at the end of my rope, I'm just sitting here wanting to sulk and think about nothing but the silence of my own home.
Dr. M. said one thing that sticks with me tonight. "Keep track of where the students are at the beginning. Even if they don't seem to be where they should be by January, you will be able to see some progress. You won't reach all of them...there will be some that won't move on. Focus on the fact that you can help a few.
I think my problem is that I want to save the whole world. If all of my students are not progressing, then I feel like I'm failing. It's hard for me to leave any of these kids behind...and yet if I'm waiting for the stragglers then I am neglecting the ones who are ready to move ahead.
If we could all just get along. If I could find a procedure that keeps the kids following directions all day long. If the kids would just learn that fighting in school is not going to solve their problems. If I could just find a balance.
If I could just trust God to order my steps, to bring peace to the chaos. If I could just stop and listen for the sound of His voice.