My friend Kate recently told me about her grandparents who met in England during World War II. Her Grandpa was an American soldier, her grandmother a girl who lived in Great Britain. They fell in love, got married and planned for her to meet him 6 months later in America. There were no phone calls during those 6 months, no letters, no visits. She had to leave behind everything she knew, leave her family. And yet, she went because she trusted that he would meet her on the other side...that he would take care of her, love her for the rest of her life. And decades later, up until the time his body would no longer allow him to do so, he would still bring her tea in bed every morning. He took care of her. Kept his promise.
This story seems so foreign to me...so romantic...so...well, just as I always wished it would be. But it's hard for me to think it could happen in my own life. I change my mind like the wind. One day I feel a certain way and the next I am the opposite. And I know I'm not the only one.
A man I once loved promised to never leave...but he did, and there was nothing I could do to bring him back. My dad promised me a doll house, but it just never happened. He's an awesome dad, loves me so much, has gone out of his way for me hundreds of times...he just didn't find the time to build the dollhouse I wanted as a little girl. I don't hold that against him. I look around me and I see others who have hoped for more and have not found it. I look at today's politics, the divorce rate, the failures of high profile religious figures, the highly publicized broken relationships of Hollywood, the thousands of children in foster care, crowded jail cells, not to mention the modern art and craft of marketing and making a sale. People's words hold less and less value in this day and age. And truthfully, I think I have just learned to adapt. I have learned how to live without someone keeping their word...to act satisfied in spite of disappointment...to act as if I didn't really need the promise yet anyways. The promise just keeps moving one step ahead of me...leading me in it's direction, causing me to walk carefully, but never making good on what I hoped it would be. And I have wondered over and over...Will I really see it come to pass? I have so often lived in the fear of carrying false hope.
That's where I was in the car this morning. I realized that I don't believe God loves me as much as He says He does. I realized how afraid I have been that He is ready to put me out of the house. I have been afraid that I am not enough in His eyes. I have felt as if I have not been trying hard enough, working long enough, setting my heart in the right place, longing for the right things, loving the way I should be. The list goes on and on about how much I have messed up. Sure, He loves others unconditionally. But for me, it seems so much more has been required...for me somehow, I am not allowed to mess up. Because if I do mess up, then surely I would be a disappointment to Him. I would miss out on all that He has for me. I would miss out on what He has promised for my life.
I think I have reacted this way to people too. So often I have been afraid that one wrong move would mean a broken relationship or some kind of rejection.
This story seems so foreign to me...so romantic...so...well, just as I always wished it would be. But it's hard for me to think it could happen in my own life. I change my mind like the wind. One day I feel a certain way and the next I am the opposite. And I know I'm not the only one.
A man I once loved promised to never leave...but he did, and there was nothing I could do to bring him back. My dad promised me a doll house, but it just never happened. He's an awesome dad, loves me so much, has gone out of his way for me hundreds of times...he just didn't find the time to build the dollhouse I wanted as a little girl. I don't hold that against him. I look around me and I see others who have hoped for more and have not found it. I look at today's politics, the divorce rate, the failures of high profile religious figures, the highly publicized broken relationships of Hollywood, the thousands of children in foster care, crowded jail cells, not to mention the modern art and craft of marketing and making a sale. People's words hold less and less value in this day and age. And truthfully, I think I have just learned to adapt. I have learned how to live without someone keeping their word...to act satisfied in spite of disappointment...to act as if I didn't really need the promise yet anyways. The promise just keeps moving one step ahead of me...leading me in it's direction, causing me to walk carefully, but never making good on what I hoped it would be. And I have wondered over and over...Will I really see it come to pass? I have so often lived in the fear of carrying false hope.
That's where I was in the car this morning. I realized that I don't believe God loves me as much as He says He does. I realized how afraid I have been that He is ready to put me out of the house. I have been afraid that I am not enough in His eyes. I have felt as if I have not been trying hard enough, working long enough, setting my heart in the right place, longing for the right things, loving the way I should be. The list goes on and on about how much I have messed up. Sure, He loves others unconditionally. But for me, it seems so much more has been required...for me somehow, I am not allowed to mess up. Because if I do mess up, then surely I would be a disappointment to Him. I would miss out on all that He has for me. I would miss out on what He has promised for my life.
I think I have reacted this way to people too. So often I have been afraid that one wrong move would mean a broken relationship or some kind of rejection.
And, in addition, if I change my mind so often, surely others do too. Surely their opinion one day might not be their opinion the next. And, therefore, how can I trust what they said to me the day before?
But God is not a man that He should lie. God's promises are yes and amen. God is working all things together for our good. God is patient with us. God is going to complete the good work that He has begun in us. God knows the plans He has for us...plans to give us a hope and a future. God wrote a book about each of our lives...He loved us before we ever knew about Him.
And Romans 5 talks about the very fact that we are unable to ever be good enough to earn the love of God. God knew this. God's plan all along was to redeem us from our own depravity. So He sent Jesus to die in our place. Because of Jesus, we never have to feel unworthy or unable to meet His expectations. He loves us...period. He is working on our behalf...period.
In the Bible, Abraham waited 20 years for God's promise of a son. The Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years before they saw their promised land. Joseph received a promise from God when he was a teenager that did not come to pass until he was 30. David was anointed as king at a young age but he did not get to the throne until he was about 30 either. They walked through testing and trials along the way. There were days when they did not think they would make it...days when they questioned whether they heard correctly from the Lord...days when they probably questioned whether they had missed what God said all together. But God followed through. The promises did come to pass. Those days of waiting didn't mean that God didn't love them, or that He was waiting for them to get it together and make it happen for themselves. God had a plan. He had a plan that would cause their hearts to turn to Him, to be prepared...so that when the perfect time came, He could open the door and they would be ready and able to walk in the promise.
I am 28 years old and I am only now just realizing that God doesn't change His mind. When He says something, He means it. When He makes a promise, He will follow through. When He says He loves me, that will never change. When He says He will never leave me, He won't. When He says He is going to bless my life, He will. I don't have to worry about messing up. He'll take care of it. I don't have to worry about making a wrong move. He's working all things together for my good. He doesn't change His mind about me.
I'll probably keep coming back to read this blog post. I'll probably write more about it too. It is time to change my mind about a few things. It is time to stop being afraid of God's disappointment and punishment...time to start trusting in His great love for me. Maybe then, I'll be at rest a little more. Maybe then, I'll be able to run more freely in this great grace He has given to all of us. Maybe, I'll become someone who follows through and keeps my word. Maybe, I'll find others who want to do the same.
So, what do you think?
But God is not a man that He should lie. God's promises are yes and amen. God is working all things together for our good. God is patient with us. God is going to complete the good work that He has begun in us. God knows the plans He has for us...plans to give us a hope and a future. God wrote a book about each of our lives...He loved us before we ever knew about Him.
And Romans 5 talks about the very fact that we are unable to ever be good enough to earn the love of God. God knew this. God's plan all along was to redeem us from our own depravity. So He sent Jesus to die in our place. Because of Jesus, we never have to feel unworthy or unable to meet His expectations. He loves us...period. He is working on our behalf...period.
In the Bible, Abraham waited 20 years for God's promise of a son. The Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years before they saw their promised land. Joseph received a promise from God when he was a teenager that did not come to pass until he was 30. David was anointed as king at a young age but he did not get to the throne until he was about 30 either. They walked through testing and trials along the way. There were days when they did not think they would make it...days when they questioned whether they heard correctly from the Lord...days when they probably questioned whether they had missed what God said all together. But God followed through. The promises did come to pass. Those days of waiting didn't mean that God didn't love them, or that He was waiting for them to get it together and make it happen for themselves. God had a plan. He had a plan that would cause their hearts to turn to Him, to be prepared...so that when the perfect time came, He could open the door and they would be ready and able to walk in the promise.
I am 28 years old and I am only now just realizing that God doesn't change His mind. When He says something, He means it. When He makes a promise, He will follow through. When He says He loves me, that will never change. When He says He will never leave me, He won't. When He says He is going to bless my life, He will. I don't have to worry about messing up. He'll take care of it. I don't have to worry about making a wrong move. He's working all things together for my good. He doesn't change His mind about me.
I'll probably keep coming back to read this blog post. I'll probably write more about it too. It is time to change my mind about a few things. It is time to stop being afraid of God's disappointment and punishment...time to start trusting in His great love for me. Maybe then, I'll be at rest a little more. Maybe then, I'll be able to run more freely in this great grace He has given to all of us. Maybe, I'll become someone who follows through and keeps my word. Maybe, I'll find others who want to do the same.
So, what do you think?
With God on our side like this, how can we lose?
If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us?
And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
---Romans 8:31-39---The Message
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
---Romans 8:31-39---The Message
1 comment:
Wow! What an excellent post!
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