Wednesday, December 2

The Love Chapter

There is much to say tonight...so much.
On the way home, in the midst of traffic and my intense effort not to break down, a knowing came to my heart; an understanding, if you will. I have continued to reflect on 1 Corinthians 13 (The love chapter), continued to run these verses through my head,

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

And as I thought about the patience part and the not giving up, I thought about my intense to desire to not give up...to keep hoping...to keep loving...to keep becoming someone better than I had started out to be. And then I thought about the fact that I am this little person on a big planet with a lot of misgivings and failures and how if I feel this intense about hoping for someone who has walked away, how much more intense does this perfect, loving, God, who is all of the things in the verses above, feel when a person walks away from Him?

How does He feel when a person says to Him, "I'm not good enough for you...I never will be...so I'm going to quit trying now. I bet you can find someone better, someone more suitable to have a relationship with." How His heart must break at the sound of these words. The whole point of sending Jesus was God saying, "You don't have to be good enough, I don't want your goodness. I don't want your valiant yet failed efforts at trying to follow impossible rules and expectations, I just want you. I want to live with you, and laugh with you. I want to dance with you and dream with you. I want to fight it out and see the other side. I want your heart to be free and full of life. I want you, and no matter what it takes, or how long I have to wait...I will never stop waiting and hoping for you to come home." And then He lets us walk out the door, knowing full well that we may never return, knowing full well He may not hear from us for days, months, years. Knowing full well that other things could entice our hearts and keep us from missing Him. And to Him that's ok. Because He is love and love never fails, never gives up, keeps on waiting.

"But while he was still a long way off,
his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him;
he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

22"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him.
Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.
23
Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate.
24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'
So they began to celebrate.

So many thoughts tonight. I feel a bit closer to understanding how God feels for those who are running from Him. What do I do with that knowledge? Not too sure. Love Him back...live my life without fear...love well and extravagantly and with a hope that doesn't give up? I am learning as I go.

2 comments:

pip said...

sometimes the most beautiful moments come when the beauty that is inside of us is wrung out through incredibly painful circumstances. that, april, was incredibly beautiful.

thank you for sharing.

my heart hurts for what you're going through. but as you said, i also have tremendous hope. both for you, and in the One authoring your journey:-)

April said...

Thank you, Pip. :)