A Place To Rest My Head

I've been thinking about home for the past week or so...thinking about where home is found...thinking about who and what truly defines being home. I've been thinking about my friends, my acquaintances, my family, myself.

Some of us are physically living in a brand new house this December, living in between newly built walls and fresh paint. Some of us are hearing the cries of newborn babies we never expected only one year ago. A few of us have found love and have decided to make it official, and it's fresh and new and perfectly what and who we had been hoping for. A great many of us have found community this year. We have found a sincere friend or two, a vision to run after, a support system, common ground, and the realization that we are not alone.

Then, there are some of us are coming home tonight with one less person to hold onto. Some of us have lost our best friends. Some of us have lost the belief that home will ever be found. Others have moved to another state or country...far away from the familiar soil and communities that bring them comfort and the actual feeling of belonging. They may have chosen the move. They may not have. Some of us miss the places we have come from. Some of us are still running as far as we can without wanting to look back.

Some have found the release of forgiveness this year. Some have found the place and the courage to begin building again. Some of us have looked and found beauty among the ashes. Some have found God for the first time. Some of us have found truth after so many years of confusion and lies. Some are truly free. Some have hope.

Some will sleep tonight on a park bench, in a tent, or at a rescue mission. Some will sleep in houses that have yet to see the fulfillment of the dreams that were born in them. Others will sleep and take for granted the walls and blessings that surround them.

But every one of us will say..."I'm going home." And where will home be?

Tonight, I sit quietly in Florida, beside a Christmas tree, down the hall from where my parents sleep. And I never meant to call Florida home. It was the last place I ever expected to be. I was born in small town New York, running on the land where my grandfather played, later taking on the streets of a city I never wanted to move to, but then grew to love. And after many moves all over the state and all through my childhood, my Heavenly Father began to call to my heart and beckon me, on my own, to cities, towns, homes, and people I never would have imagined. I never wanted to leave the places and the people that I left behind. I never wanted to forget or be forgotten. Sometimes I was afraid. Sometimes I would drag my feet. Sometimes I ran back to where I came from only to find it was never the same. Sometimes I felt very, very alone. But when all was said and done how could I not move forward? How could I not continue with the storyline of this great adventure that was being written for me and in me?

Tonight, I am remembering that although I sit in this living room alone, it will not be forever. I will not feel alone forever. After highschool, when the door had shut to go to college in the mountains of North Carolina, I prayed, and said, "God, if you're going to keep me here in NY, I need friends, good friends, friends that will lead me to you." And He has never stopped answering that prayer. Wherever I have gone, He has given me friends. And He has done a work in my family. He has brought us closer together. And although we all live miles away from each other, God is working in us, bringing us more and more freedom to love each other well. Tonight, I am remembering that my home is in Him. He is here, in this room, in this house, in this family. But He is there, in my future, in the places I will live, in the people whose paths I will cross. Christ has given me a home and it is the hope I will carry. I have to trust that He will be enough and will bring me to the places and the people where I can truly say, "God saw my need and He gave me a place to rest my head."

It does not matter where home has been in the past. It does not matter what it looks like now. What matters is that in Christ, I always have a home...and with Him I will never be without comfort. I am so thankful that He has given me a family and friends to hold me through this season.