Musical Interlude

Our class Christmas party was today. We had pizza and just about every snack food you could think of. I let the kids take their own portions...then realized I should have said something when I saw mountains of chips and bowls full of candy. These kids love food and they love to party.

I decided to print out Christmas music last night and take my guitar in to sing Christmas carols this morning. Umm..note to self...never attempt to play without practicing...we ended up singing carols acapella. :) I told the kids that I had never played Christmas music before, but that I usually played my own songs. So they begged me to play a song I had written. And there I was with another teacher, a guest reader, and all 26 kids together thinking, well, I did get myself into this. (and secretly I do want to play more often.) I warned them first that I only really know "church" songs. They still begged to hear one...even the other teacher. The guest reader is the son of a woman who is very high up on the school board here in the city...so obviously I was a little nervous knowing how church and public schools seem to get along these days. But I played and they loved it. Nothing like bringing Jesus to the classroom. :)

A couple of my girls asked why didn't I want to be a singer? I told them that secretly I do want to sing. The two of them smiled and said I could be a singer or a music teacher....I could even go on American Idol and they were sure that I'd win.

I sat here tonight and played, it's actually been a couple of months since I've had the guitar out. I really do wish that I had the right venue to further this music inside of me.

The best part of today was seeing my kids excited about the guitar. I often think to myself...if only they had the resources to learn an instrument. What would they do? They each got five minutes of alone time with my guitar. It was probably the best five minutes of the day for each of them by the smiles on their faces...and to tell you the truth...they were pretty good at sharing their turns.

The whole experience makes me reflect back to four years ago, fall semester at ORU. I had finally decided that I wanted to be a teacher. But what kind of teacher? I contemplated it, prayed about it, called my mom and talked for hours about it...but finally settled on the fact that music was to be my educational field. I was so excited and so full of hope as I walked into the music department and signed my name to papers that would get me into the music program. And then the question was asked, "What is your instrument?" i.e. "What instrument have you mastered?" I chose my voice because although I could play the guitar when leading worship, I was not that skilled. Dr. Pierce...called me into the piano room...had me sing scales (which I still loathe to this day)...and decided right away that I was not fit for the music program. I was crushed of course. But Dr. Robbins, he pulled me into his office and asked me theory questions, with which I actually did okay answering. He was kind about the whole thing and honest, saying that the music program would be a challenge, but I could do it if I worked hard. I left his office concerned about my future. I still remember what he said as I left his office, "April, the Lord is with you." I didn't make it into the music program. I didn't even make tryouts to be in the chapel choir.

And yet, there is music inside of me.

I took voice lessons about a year later. My voice teacher said, "April, you have a gift that you have buried, you need to bring it out." So I sang and I practiced. A year after that, I took guitar lessons and still dreamed of what it would be like if I could share. I just bought a piano and play at least a few times a week. What I know, I have learned through experimenting in the music rooms at college and through short seasons of basic piano lessons right after high school. Mostly, I just improv...but it sounds good, if I do say so myself.

I have friends who have made it in the music arena, who are able to just get out and share in small corners of the world. And I just don't know HOW. I think I've been waiting for someone to show me how to get out there. Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever get out there and actually do something with this gift. I wonder if I'll get better or if it will just fade away.

All this to say, I thought about music again today. I thought about touching the hearts of children and people and bringing them to a place beyond themselves. I thought about God's presence in the midst of worship. And I wondered if maybe there is still something more that I need to see...something that connects the life I am living now (or my understanding of it) to the life of God and His purposes for me.

When I was about 7 my grandparents had a guitar in their church building. I would take that guitar under a shade tree and pretend that I knew how to play. It was not until ten years later that I actually learned. But I still remember those summer days in my grandparents backyard...dreaming, singing. I still feel like that little girl in so many ways...not knowing what's ahead, but knowing that it must be some great adventure...not quite sure that I had what it takes, but still confident that at right time and place I could play an important part.

God unlock these dreams and show me how to walk. Help me to speak those things that be not as though they are. Help me, Lord, to do what you are calling me to do and to let go of the things that hold me back. Help me to see as you see.

For we walk by faith, and not by sight.

2Corinthians5:7