A Drink of Water

I sat and listened to two random stories tonight. One was the story of a friend who has feelings for someone she knows she should not have feelings for. The other was of a new acquaintance who sat and waited by the phone for a call that never came and who I think was on beer number seven as I left to go home.

As I listed to both stories, I thought of myself. Pure and simple. I thought about how the situations affected me. I contemplated the times when I sat in the very same seat they were sitting in. I knew exactly how they felt. But all I could offer was a nodding of the head and words like "I feel you on that one; I know exactly what you mean; you deserve better, etc."

Joyce Meyer said the other day, we cannot give others what we do not have ourselves. Simply put, I can't give you a glass of water, no matter how thirsty you are, if I do not have a glass of water in my possession. Tonight, I didn't have my glass of water. I had theories. I had empathy. I had experience. I had every good intention of listening and giving some sort of good advice.

All I could think of was Proverbs 19:22 - What a man desires is unfailing love, better to be poor than a liar. This verse is speaking volumes to me about compromise and about waiting on God. It reminds me of the woman at the well, who said to Jesus...Why are you asking me for water? (which in parable form = unfailing love) And Jesus answered back "If you knew who I was you would be asking me for the water (the unfailing love that will cause you to never thirst again). Here was this woman...broken, disappointed, ashamed, tired...and Jesus said to her...give me your love. She couldn't (and He knew it)...she didn't know how to recognize love...she didn't have it left in her. She had traded the real deal for other loves a long time ago, for other treasures...treasures that never measured up, that never filled the void she felt so deep inside.

I wanted to be like Jesus tonight. But I didn't have answers. Sometimes, I still feel like that woman...so past the point of dreaming, but so hopeful that someday a savior would come to show me what unfailing love truly is. Sometimes, I want to be better now, to be confident now, to be hopeful now....so that I can pass it on. Is it okay to still not have the answers? Is it okay to still be in the midst of working it out? Is it okay not to fully understand yet?

I want to understand. I want to know why things work out the way that they do, why people hurt each other and walk away from each other. I want to know why plans are thwarted even after seeking the Lord and believing for the best. I want to have understanding. I want these things, because I want to be able to walk with hope and to give hope to others when they are hurting. I want to be able to trust the Lord more than I do today. I want to be able to speak life, because life has been spoken to me.