Reminded

I had to push myself to go to church tonight. I had been invited by one of the ushers, an acquaintance I had made just five days earlier. It promised to be a packed out service with people my age. I was afraid to show up alone, to sit alone...to awkwardly ask two other new acquaintances if I could join their row. But the night turned out okay. Two of the guys I knew are from Rochester. We had some places and friends in common.

After church we went down to San Marco to drink some coffee. There was a girl playing her guitar with a back up cello-ist (however you spell that). Her voice sang a raw Patsy Kline as we stood in line to order our cups of coffee. It was as if we had entered a living room of sorts...couches everywhere, a television playing the Winter Olympics. The four of us squeezed into a space right next to the instruments. I could imagine myself playing out like this girl. Usually, I can't. But tonight, I wished very much for someone to turn to me and say...how about taking a spin with the guitar? How about playing us all a tune? I really think I could have done it.

This one friend had been to a few Sweet Aromas too....for those of you who remember our worship sessions on the front lawn of Starbucks every Sunday night. He said he remembered one of the twins (meaning you Jen and Wen) playing guitar and busting out the most beautiful voice. He went on and on about the sound. I don't remember a time when either of you played, and maybe you did. I don't know if it was me he remembered or not. But what I do know is that, tonight, there was such a hunger in me to play again. I wanted so much to sing a song for a crowd. I wanted so much to let it all out. The conversation led to questions of "do you play?" "do you sing too?" etc.

I began to think about my thought patterns before I moved here. I remembered telling myself that I could leave my fears behind me. I remembered telling myself that I could start all over again and confidently move towards my dreams. I remembered being glad to move away from those that I never felt accomplished enough to play in the light of. I remembered tonight as I came home to play my guitar. I began to write another song.