Because God is Good

Missy and I have called them "boy stories". It's almost tradition. Whenever we catch up with one another, she will ask about them. And, inevitably...I will have someone new to talk about, some new drama to laugh or cry over, and some new set of circumstances to bring hope or disappointment. Lots of stories, lots of life lessons over the years.

I do not regret the times I have opened my heart. I do not regret the times of letting go. I do not regret getting to know someone. I do not regret any story that I have walked through. But I have had this hope, as anyone would, that one day the boy stories would come to a final pivotal point....that one day, the real love story would begin.

I didn't think about the fact that the love story had already begun. I forget so easily that there is a deeper love story at work in my life.

I thought I had found it. In fact, I was so sure that I began to speak out loud about it. About him. It was too good, too perfect to not be excited right away. I told Missy that it wasn't just another boy story, that seriously this could be the one for which every other boy story would be put to rest.

Apparently, God had other plans. Because I still can't figure out how it ended. This amazing moment appeared in my life, so suddenly, so out of the blue, and then disappeared as if it was only a dream. Except, now I am different...I am changed. I can't bring this person back. I can't even hold on to what I believed about them. All I can do is trust God, that He knows best...and as Job put it...The Lord gives and the Lord takes away...Blessed by the name of the Lord. I never liked that verse. I didn't like it's theology, but who am I to change scripture...when that very scripture is changing me?

I have no answer for the mystery behind my current circumstances. But I have seen God move in my life so strongly these past few weeks. There is a verse in the Bible that talks about little foxes spoiling the vine. There have been many little foxes in my life. Relationships, lifestyle choices, little things that caused me to compromise the very relationship that I crave with the Lord. This guy that walked into my life three weeks ago changed all that. Because of him, I don't want to compromise anymore. For a few days I tasted a joy and an adventure that I had not tasted for so long, if ever. I have such a hunger now to be joyful, the enjoy life, to embrace what God has given to me. I have seen something so good that I don't want to go back. Now that I know that there is better, I don't want to hang around with all of the worries and false hopes that I have struggled with. I don't want to waste any more time. And so I have closed a lot of doors that should not have been left open in the first place.

My heart is turning in a new direction. Aha, God. So this is what it was all about. A change in season. A season of walking with Him, knowing Him. A season of complete and honest trust in the One who has created a hope and a future for me. A season of letting go of all that has held me down in order to gain what has been set aside for me, to gain what I have been set apart for. A season to redeem the time.

I know it's coming. I know there is a story already written, already begun; a story so deep, so real, and so true that it can only be God. And how much more beautiful it will be, when my heart is at rest in the Lord, when I will be able to look back at the heartache and the questions, the letting go and the lessons learned...and I will be able to say...because God is good I am here in this place...because God is good I am not alone...because God is good He was not content to let me love apart from Him, He has brought me through the fire. He has brought me the desires of my heart. He has brought me to His heart. Because God is good.