What is Hope?

I'm trying very hard to not close up my heart this time.
I'm trying very heard to stay open,
to hope for more. I'm trying very hard not to be afraid.

I prayed. I thought I heard God. I thought everything was good.
I thought I had His peace, His assurance.

I hate the arrows. The arrows that fly by day and threaten by night. The arrows that tell me of insignificance, lies, misplaced hope, unfulfilled dreams. The arrows that tell me that what I hope for is not pleasing to God. The arrows that point right at me and tell me that my life is worth nothing, that who I am is not enough.

I know that I am not the only one. I know that there are problems worse than mine, hearts more broken than my own. I know that this will pass and there will be new places and events and people to set my mind upon. I know, because I hear it over and over again, that this life is not about me...it's all about Him. I know that all I have to do is let it go. I know.

What is it about hope that creates such a fine line based on perspective? Either it makes you feel as if you are floating or, in stark contrast, it makes you feel as if you are standing on the edge of a cliff?

Is my hope valid or is it false?
Because here's the thing. What I see is such a disappointment compared to what I thought I would see. What I see is emptiness and void and that my heart has been reaching for a dream that was never real.

All I can do is sit here and say, "what?" And then I begin to cry because I am so angry and disappointed about the whole thing.

What is hope? It's been my question for a long time.