Somewhere, in between thoughts of family, friends, meals, business, and current events... we are letting ourselves become defined...either by these common bonds of humanity or by the creator who caused them to come into being.
There is a beginning. There always was a beginning. Either we find its place or we become consumed by the idea that we did not need to begin. Because it is humbling to begin. It is humbling to say that once... we did not know. And many of us, including myself, choose to hide in the effects of history, the aftermath, the current events that seem so confusing, so undefined, so in need of our expertise and ability to problem solve. But, like I said, there was a beginning. There was a reason. And that reason has not changed.
We were meant to live. We were meant to know each other and to be known. We were meant to have a relationship with the One who created us.
It is all so simple. God created man to enjoy relationship with him. Man turned away from God, only to find that, A. he had lost everything good, and B. he did not have enough power to make up for the loss he had chosen. But God made a plan. He knew man would suffer greatly without him (suffering that would eventually lead to death forever), and it turned out to be true. God could not stand for this, it was against everything in His heart. His plan was to give up His own life, to save the life of the man who would never be able to find his own way back. And ever since that time, the message has spread through all cities, countries, people groups, times and generations. God made a way back. God made a way where there was no way. And all man had to do was receive the message, turn towards God through Jesus (God's son who had carried out the plan of giving up His life to save the life of man.), and then carry the message as their own.
This is the story that defines my life. God made a way so that I could KNOW Him.
How many of us know Him? I have been questioning my relationship with Him. I know so much about Him. I know His words. I have done a lot of work for Him, given away time, money, possessions in His name, sang songs to Him, for Him, about Him. I have talked about Him, even claimed to talk for Him. But do I know Him?
And I find myself asking the question...Is He even real? Or is He just an idea? Is He just a set of principles I have based my life upon. Am I just looking for agreement among friends? Have I surrounded myself with "yes" people? Where is God? Where is He in this generation? Where is He among the nations? Where is He in my family? Where is He in my life? Where is He among my friends? Where is He in me?
Why does this questions plague me?
I have not sat with Him. I have not waited to hear His words. I have not asked Him for directions. I have not allowed Him to reach out and heal me. I have not given Him room to speak when I make a list of all of my worries and the general consensus of my circumstances. Isaiah 59 talks about our sins separating us from the Lord...to the point where communication is totally cut off. I read this the other day and thought...oh...that's not me. And then I sat in church this past Sunday and heard the same passage.
How did I get here? To this place where my sin has separated me from the only voice that gives me life? To this place where I don't even realize that I am essentially going on without Him...this place of thinking I can go out and get a job on my own...make friends on my own...find songs to sing about Him as if we were very close friends. To this place of turning from Him...this place of losing my way back to where He is...to the very beginning...to my beginning.
And so I made a list today of the things that have kept me from Him...and I told Him I would like to start over. I don't know what starting over looks like. But here I am. And, eventually, I know that everything coiled up, and hidden away, and covered with dust will uncoil and be brought to light and be made new again.
We were not meant to be defined by the work we do or the company we keep. We were not meant to be defined by our cultural expectations or family ties.
We are walking a path...to some it is very wide and to some it is narrow. But wide is the path that leads to destruction and narrow is the path that leads to life. And as we walk, we will all hear a voice among voices. We will all hear a call to come nearer to God. He is the one who created us. He is the one who gives us definition. And until we recognize Him as our beginning, we will wonder why we feel so lost."
"Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
Isaiah 1:18
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