Fuzzy Socks

Today was pretty stressful..I don't remember coming home this stressed out since the beginning of the school year when I was trying to manage an oversized classroom. I literally sat down today for about 15 minutes and told the kids I was done for the day. I've never done that before....in fact, I'm not even sure I'm proud of myself for it. I just couldn't handle the constant fighting between them and the lack of interest they so proudly displayed.

"Is it really this hard?" I keep asking myself. (For example...I asked one student to go to the end of line today instead of cut...common 3rd grade problem...he threw such a big tantrum that every teacher in the hallway could hear and he had to spend the rest of the afternoon in the office.) Ugh.

After cooling down, I gave them another life lecture...probably the 5th in a matter of about 3 weeks. As frustrated as I am with them...I always feel that it's important for them to hear that I love them and that I have expectations for them to do well. I have to speak life over them...encourage them somehow. I don't want them ending up a product of their environment. I think that's what's most frustrating. I want so much for them and yet I don't know how to bring them up to that level...or any level beyond what they know. How do you measure the impact that you are making on a child?

There's more to the story here too....I listened to my assistant principal teach math today. And I found myself thinking, "I wish I could teach math like this." Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right things even...if I'm actually giving the kids what they need. I don't know. I just don't know.

I drove all the way home with a wrinkled forehead and my jaw tightly closed...that is until I realized what my face must look like and then tried to relax. I didn't want to do anything but put on some comfy clothes and sit quietly for awhile. That's when I found the socks Gram sent for Christmas...sea blue, fuzzy warm socks. I ripped off the tag and put them on. And do you know what? I felt better....so much better in fact, that I twirled around the kitchen as I grabbed a snack...and then danced around the living room a bit before my roomate came back home. Nothing like a pair of fuzzy socks to wind down the day. :)