Random thoughts before bed...

I have almost come to a roadblock, a quietness within that does not allow for words to express the very thoughts that are wanting to be spoken out loud. My brother is in a hostile foreign land, ministering to people as God has called him to. My grandfather lies in a hospital bed, too far away for me to visit and too deep in sleep to hear my voice. Even after six months of Florida, I am still not quite sure of my place here. I have purpose in my teaching, in being close to my parents, in keeping in touch with friends who are far away. I like my church, but I am still not connected there. I like this city, but still have no ties that would stir my desire to stay.

When does it come? When do I know that I am in the right place at the right time? When does the joy finally overflow? My brother has found his place, in moving to CO. He loves his new home, and it seems to love him as well. In just two months he has flourished...new house, new friends, new church, new life. His smile is evident every time I hear his voice on the other end of the phone. Yes, I'm a bit jealous. I want to find my place of "flourishing" as well.

I'll end with this quote tonight. I read it in a chapter of Journey of Desire while revisiting the book this week. The book convicts me of my "here and now" attitude...the attitude that keeps me from acknowledging that eternity with God is the promise that lies before us all.

"Can it really happen? Can things in our lives be green again? No matter what our creeds may tell us, our hearts have settled into another belief. We have accepted the winter of this world as the final word and tried to get on without the hope of spring. It will never come, we have assumed, and so I must find whatever life here I can. We have been so committed to arranging for our happiness that we have missed the signs of spring. We haven't given any serious thought to what might be around the corner..."