It is early Sunday morning and I am wide awake. So is the cat. She is racing around the carpet, climbing the couch and looks very sure of her imaginary prey...

Okay, maybe I'm not awake enough to think of something profound here...I've been looking at the screen and erasing words for about five minutes...

All I can say is that, at this point, life is changing in more ways than I thought it would. I'm not sure of any other way to put it. There are moments when I realize that I cannot go back to Tulsa, to the friends I have lived close to, to the comforts of things familiar. In those moments of striking reality, this new place seems so overwhelming.

However, it was my choice to come. And I do believe that I made the best decision. So I will continue to tell myself, "It IS time to begin again, to look forward to the promises of God."

My prayer for this season:
God help me to step forward and help me to continue to become who you have made me to be.

Third grade here I come!

Diamond in the Rough...

What does it take to truly know someone, to truly love them? Can it happen in a day? How long does it take? And what does it take?

I knew the point would come in my life where I would have to trust someone else to forgive and forget my past wrongs. I can live with it now. I can carry it on my shoulders. I can use it to extend mercy to those without hope of mercy. I can remember what God has done. It is my story. But when the story is told, who will love me? And will I love me? And what will I be?

I have always loved those who are rough around the edges. I have loved the people who went against the grain. I have loved the people who didn?t exactly have it all together. But I never thought of myself that way. In comparison, I was way smoother. Until today, I did not realize how rough around the edges I truly have been. I sat in church blinking back tears. So badly, I want someone to know my life and to love me in spite of it all. Christ has done it, He loved me before my life began, knowing every decision I would make. He died for me and gave His life for me, knowing my sin.

I keep thinking about the diamond and the process that it goes through.

I am not conventional. I am not traditional. I only know Christ. I only know that I need Him. That?s all I know. I cannot impress with theology and Christian discipline. I do not fit in with the "church" people. And, at the same time, I do not fit in with the world who lives ignorant of the fact that God loves them. I sit here, in between, not knowing what lies ahead. I know there are others like me.

Josh and I explored an old plantation in Fayetteville last weekend. These are just a few of the many pictures that we've taken. The plantation used to be owned by the nephew and niece of Rockefeller. It was a country club used for golf and fox hunting. The abandoned buildings around this place of 35,000 acres are beautiful. I love imagining what it might have been like in the old days.

We got to explore these stables...fun...although we did get chased by a bee. 

gotta love doors :) 

One of my favorites taken at an old plantation in North Carolina. 

I love my brother. We spent our whole day Saturday taking pictures...at least 120 but I'm guessing more. This is one of the best...consequently, it's going in a frame. :) 

Well, I made it back to Jacksonville. Safe and sound.

Two bouquets of flowers, three thank you cards, and countless pictures to local Wal-Marts around the country have all been sent to commemorate my month long trip.

I feel full and blessed.

Check this guy out... Matisyahu
One of his music videos can be found here.. King Without a Crown

Out of the ordinary but talented and packs a punch. I am very impressed.

I have a lot of deep thoughts to post in the days to come.

Tonight I am thinking about the fear that I did not recognize inside of me until recently. Anyone who knows me well knows that I have always loved airports and flying. I love seeing so many different people and I love the view from my window seat. But for some reason, it was hard for me to step onto the plane this time around. Ever since 9/11 I have been afraid of flying. And in all reality, I know that I am afraid of many other things. I am afraid of being alone, I am afraid of not having enough, I am afraid to allow myself to get too close to anyone for fear that they'll walk away, I am afraid of looking incompetent and incomplete, I am afraid of being forgotten. But this past weekend, I had to face my fear of flying head on. I had already paid for my ticket, made plans to see my friends, and had packed my bags. There was no turning back for me.

I closed my eyes and reflected on the fact that, worst case scenario, if I did die it wouldn't be so bad after all. I would be with God. And, best case scenario, if I lived then my life would go on and I would continue as I had before. Either way, my life is in God's hands. I thought about the stories of a missionary who had carried a large wooden cross through every continent. He had talked about being stoned several times and about being held at gun point and many other life threatening things. But he said this, "If God itends for you to live, you will live. You cannot die when God has a plan for you to live." Those were my thoughts throughout take off and landing and every moment in between. 'My life is in God's hands, He will take care of me and provide for me, and when the right time comes He will take me home to be with Him.'

It is one thing to say, "I trust God with my life". It is another thing to be at peace and live as if He truly is taking care of you.

Los Angeles was a fun trip. Granted, I did not have my luggage for the first day, but it all got worked out. My friend Zoe always takes good care of us when we go out to visit her. She brightens my world with things I would not think about otherwise and for that I am glad. My friend Angela brings joy and adventure to every situation. All three of us have an agreement that every year we will visit and spend time catching up with each other. This was the third year of our tradition. To commemorate, we have begun a scrapbook documenting momentous occasions and highlighting our adventures. We joke, because of the traveling pants movie, that our scrapbook is to be a traveling scrapbook of sorts.

We did have a star sighting while out and about. Zoe, Angela and I went to eat a little sandwich shop in Brentwood and ended up sitting two tables away from Josh Brolin and Diane Lane and their two kids. I wouldn't have even known except for the fact that Zoe and Angela recognized Diane Lane. We couldn't put our fingers on who Josh Brolin was until we got home to do some research. Just today I realized that he was "The Kid" in Young Riders a looong time ago. He was definitely one of my favs. I'm more excited about seeing him now than I was when I actually saw him. Oh well. :)

We also got to hang out with some friends from college who are now recording out in L.A.! I didn't know them all that well but enough to be proud of how much their hard work has paid off. Zoe invited them over for lasagna and good 'ol game of Cash Flow. Cash Flow is a game that teaches you how to invest your money and get out of the rat race. Fun and educational...didn't know they could go in the same sentence when it comes to learning about money. :) Check out Edison Glass...I especially love their songs "When All We Have is Taken" and "Comfort".

Aromas Bakery. The best and only Kosher bakery I have ever been too. It was open until 3am and busy all night long. We actually went here twice on our visit. We are sitting by a window in this picture...everyone behind us is outside while we are inside. You can also see the white volvo we drove that night. 

At the Santa Monica Pier. 

More posting to come...it's hard to get on the internet here. I am currently in L.A. on an annual trip with my two very good friends from college. I'm taking lots of pictures a few of which will be posted soon.

The flowers before they went into the bouquet. 

I had to post this picture to talk about the toast. The groom's seven best friends were at this wedding. He honored each one of them as well as several other members of his family. In turn, each of the best friends made a toast to the newly married couple. It was so moving to hear of the love that these guys had for each other. 

Another new friend from this weekend...Betti...although I don't think I am spelling her name correctly. Betti is from Mexico City also. 

The flower girls gathering flowers. 

Had to take a picture of the food. :) 

Posing with the ring bearer...this kid knew how to dance!...wish I had some video footage. :) 

Winding down the evening with my friend Antonio. 

If I could make a living out of loving you

I'd be a millionaire in a week or two

I'd be doin' what I love

And lovin' what I do

If I could make a livin' out of lovin' you.

~Clay Walker~

I love having this time with friends. My heart is being recharged every day. I posted the lyrics to this song because that is exactly how I feel. If I could just travel and visit with the people I love, I would be the happiest girl in the world.

I have also made some new friends within the past couple of weeks. They have taught me how to speak and to sing in spanish. They have opened my eyes to a culture I have never known. And most of all, they have shown me an example of true friends and brothers. There is a loyalty and sincerity in their hearts that I do not always see around me. There is a freedom in them to love each other openly. I was blessed to spend a weekend with them. Their example has taught me more about unconditional love and acceptance and has challenged me to love my friends better.

Oh, and I got to dance last night! The people at this wedding knew how to celebrate. We were still going at 12:30am..apparently in Mexico they will celebrate until noon the next day after a wedding.

I will post more in depth later on...for now, I am headed to see my grandparents in the southern tier of NY.

Beth and I at Java's. It was so good to see her! I know we'd have so much fun if we lived closer.  

Can't decide which one I like better....thought you'd like both, Beth. :) 

It is always good to come home to this friend. Wes and I at Java's while we hung out with Beth and Timmy.