Do we ever see it? In the midst of our days, in the midst of our circumstances, do we see the blessing? When drama is at its peak. When plans do not go our way. When those we love do not love us the way we had hoped in return. When we are disappointed and heartbroken. When opportunities arise and then disappear. Do we see God moving in the midst of us? Do we see that His plans are better, higher than we could have ever imagined?
I have been mulling it over for a couple of weeks now. The disappointment, the missed opportunities, the plans that never came through, the love that did not show its face as I had hoped it would. My hope has been deferred, my heart has been misled, my faith has been tested. And I stand here not knowing how to react, not knowing how to move on, not really knowing how to let go. I want to let go. I want to be at peace. But I don't know how. I can literally feel physical tension as I try to hold myself together. It has been going on for way too long.
I keep seeing a picture of Christ, reaching His hand out to me. I want to reach back. And I keep asking, "what happens next?"
I think in the letting go, we learn how to be held. Held by God, held by hope, held by something much greater than ourselves. In letting go, we are able to love deeper. Letting go, means that our control is gone, that what we have been hoping for is not really up to us anymore.
What is real will return to us, when all else is gone. What was meant to be, will be, when our striving is gone. We are searching for Christ, each and every one of us...no matter what our disguise or vain excuse. He comes through, in the letting go. He comes through when there is nothing left for us to hold onto. He comes through.
That is my prayer. That I would be able to let go of every false hope, every misleading excuse, every misconception. Because I want to see Him. I want to know Christ. I want my heart to be at peace with Him. In letting go, I want my life to be caught in His hands.
I can't make it on my own. I need help. I need a redeemer. I need the chance to say yes to Him, letting go of all that lies behind me.