Long Day in the Delivery Room

Last night..look very closely and you can see the beginnings of the hatching.

Our first chick born this morning at 11:15am...name: "Chris"...we voted...other choices were Booker T. Washington, Jr. and Peep-Peep.

Second chick. No name yet. We were able to watch this one come fully out the shell as a class. It was a beautiful moment. As Daija said, "I am so happy for these chicks, Miss T.!"

With this cute little face...do you think we got anything done today? Umm...no. I couldn't even concentrate and I'm the teacher. :)

One second they're up...the next they're out cold. We're expecting 3 more by the morning.

Seeing it Through

Again, tonight it happened...like so many moments before..the label. The one that puts me in the quiet box. I hate it. I have hated that label since I can remember. Of course, it could be the fact that many times I find myself the listener, the observer. It could be the fact that I am usually the newer one to the group. I have plenty of friends or family who know the difference...but they have known me for a lot longer. They know that there is a bundle of energy just waiting to happen.

No one has probably ever meant any harm with their statements, "Oh, you're always so quiet..so calm." I know what they mean. I'm not loud and in your face. I'm not the one who fights to take the spotlight. But that's not what I hear. What I hear is that I am not noticeable. What I hear is that I am easily overlooked, not as fun...and therefore, not as important.

And so there it is. Carrie and I talked about the lies we believe about ourselves the other night. And this is one of them. I believe that I am easily overlooked, not as important, not as beautiful or as noticeable as the rest. And whenever the "quiet" statement or something like it comes up...as much as I hate it and want to rage against the label...I am stuck...because if others are seeing it, it must be true right?

At the core of who we are...we want to be known. And in the midst of being known, we want to be accepted. It's no wonder we are hooked on Hollywood and reality television shows and internet dating sites. It's no wonder we are so concerned about our reputations, our fashion statements, our resumes and our success stories.
It's no wonder that I am so disappointed when I have been misunderstood or misinterpreted. It's no wonder I have felt entirely inadequate when comparing myself to those around me. My perspective has been all wrong.

The Bible states that we did not choose God, but that He chose us...this verse is full of acceptance. Scriptures also go on to say that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. Which tells me that He knew who we were...He knew our darkness, our pain, our grief, our hopes and dreams. He knew it all and yet still wanted to be with us, still wanted to lay His life down for us.

So the truth is, I am accepted and loved and important. Now if only it would get through to my heart. Then I would know better when given a label...I would know that the label doesn't matter. I would remember that to know others and to be known by them takes patience and unconditional love.

We have to look beyond the surface. We have to see to the heart of people. We have to ask God for His eyes. Because Jesus never labeled anyone by their behavior. He saw their heart and He drew the real, authentic person out. I want to be that type of person. I want to be surrounded by people who strive to do the same. And more than anything in the world, I want to be that confident, fully alive person...the one who never gives a second thought to what others may or may not be seeing...the one who cares only about the thoughts of an unconditionally loving and merciful God.

Passing Days

3 more days...and our little classroom chicks will hatch.
30 more days...and my students will leave for the summer.
And with every single one of these days, I am overcome with the goodness of God...with our need for His healing...with our need for life beyone the here and now.

I am encouraged on every side...by friends and family and students and strangers. And still I find this struggle against known and unknown. A lot like the chick breaking out of her egg. No matter how much my students want to see them come out. No matter how hard each chick will be struggling to break their eggshell open...we cannot help. We must not open the egg. It's the struggle that strengthens that little chick. It's the process that allows its life in this world.

And I suppose I must remember this with my children. They are fragile...and often I feel that I have been so impatient by the end of the day. I see their frustration through the eyes of time management and standards. I want to push them through. And I can't. They must do it on their own. I can give them what they need... education, structure, a hug, a word of encouragement...but I cannot grow for them; I cannot open their shell.

I am continually reminded of the words of Mother Theresa..."In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." And as I think about this, I think about the fact that all of us want to be important. We all want to do something great, something noticable. But what if that is not what's important? What if the small, unnoticable acts of kindness and love are greater? I believe they are.

I was challenged with this question earlier this week: "Who's kingdom are you building?" Of course, I would want to say.."God's kingdom". But how many times have I said or done things to make myself more important, to make myself more loved, to make myself more well known? It breaks my heart really...to think about it. Because for so long...my faith has been about what makes my own life good.

And while walking with God will always bring unmeasurable goodness to our lives, there is so much more. What about knowing Christ? What about hearing Him speak into our daily lives? What about speaking to Him, as if He is our best friend in the world? Depending on Him as we would our own husband or wife, or mother or father, or sister or brother. What about sharing Him with those we love most in this world? What about sharing His love with a complete stranger?

When will we begin to reach out? When will we step out from behind our walls and begin to walk with this great God who saved our lives? When we do...they will be healed...these people around us who are so desperately hurting. When we do...we will find joy...apart from the American dream...apart from things and circumstances and yes, even other people. When we do...we will forgive and find forgiveness.

Back to the beginning. Who knows the number of our days? Only God. Tomorrow things will change...we will change. We will find new distractions and we will find opportunities to know Christ better. We will find closed doors and new opportunities. We will find open doors and long lost friends. We will look and see our days passing before us. The question is...How will you spend your days? He has set life and death before each one of us. He has set eternity in our hearts. So how will you live? And how will you show others to live? It's what I'm asking myself tonight.

Hot Topic

"Miss T., I found you a husband."

Even though we were standing in line in the hallway and my students were supposed to be standing without talking, I had to hear the rest of this one. So I asked this little guy..."Really, where did you see him?"

"At the store," he said. "He's a Marine. He was dressed in his uniform."

"Did you tell him that you had a teacher who needed a husband?" I asked.

"No, I didn't tell him."

"What did he look like?" I asked, hoping for some good information. :)

"Well, he was wearing a uniform."

"Was he taller than me?"

"No."

"Was he shorter than me?"

"No."

"What color were his eyes?"

"Blue."

"How are we going to meet?" I asked again.

"I don't know, but I found him for you."

I thanked my student for the good find, flattered that he would be looking out for me even on the weekends. :)

I never bring up the subject, but out of the blue, usually in the middle of math or some other tedious project.."Miss T., how you 27 and you ain't got a man?" These kids are on a mission this year. They have written books for me on how to find a husband. They have drawn pictures of my wedding day and dates I should go on, etc. When the single police officers walk the hallway they make sure to ask me loud enough if I like him or not. Some even claim to know what my husband's name will be. So if there are any Steve's or Jerome's out there...you might want to leave me a comment...lol.

It's Time

I spoke with a dear friend of mine this evening by phone. We haven't talked in about 8 months probably. I'm not even sure how to write down what I am thinking after our conversation together. She is working in a place where so many have poured out their lives for what they believe in. And even though we have known each other for quite some time and shared our hearts quite often, I felt so honored to speak with her tonight. Our words had to be censored, I slipped a couple of times and felt so bad about it! Until you are not allowed to say the name of God or speak openly about what He is doing, you do not realize what a privilege we have in America. I did not realize how often or how easily Christian words came out of my mouth. Even now, writing this blog I feel like I have to censor what I am saying.

As I spoke with her, I began to think about our times together in the past. I thought about the prayers we had prayed together...on city street curbs, on living room couches, in parks and backyards, in cars, in church, in college campuses. I thought about the dreams we had shared with each other, literal dreams that breathed the hand of God. I thought about our times of worship; times when God's spirit was so strong. Those days were seeds. We were in the beginning days of our journey. And now, although the seasons have changed and taken us in different directions...we walk with the same God, we are of one heart...that this world will be changed, overtaken by God's glory.

I feel so...grown up. This is for real. My friend is doing the work of the ministry we only dreamed about eight years ago. She must trust in the promises and protection of God every day. She must walk by faith. And she needs my prayers, my support...and the prayers of so many others.

We talked today at our missions meeting about the purpose of missions trips. We talked about going to battle and warring against the darkness and the oppression over people's lives. Soon, I too will be going into unknown territory. But today, in this very moment...I have a mission. I will walk into school tomorrow and there will be a battle to win for the Lord. I will be here at home praying for the people I love. I will be out in public, and someone will need prayer or a word from God.

As a kindergarten teacher, I set up "dramatic play" centers. They were centers where the students could go and "practice" grown up things....from playing post office, to playing house, to being a doctor, etc. I believe that there is a season for all of us to be involved in those centers; seasons to practice what we will one day eventually grow into. Tonight, I am impressed with the fact, that it's time to put away those centers. It's time to do the real thing. God give me the wisdom and the courage to know what you are calling me to.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ~1 Corinthians 13:11

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. ~Ephesians 4:14-16