The girls and I together again. We met up on Park Ave. and had an evening of dinner, ice cream, and walking. So much fun. :) 

Welcome to NY.

I keep telling my friends that I feel like I'm coming home. It always feels that way.

Home has changed and so have I. I like it that way. But as I sit here at Panera, I hear the same voice inflections, see the stereotypical families and business dressed men and women, reflect upon the fact that I still, for the most part, know my way around this city. I love this place. It is where I come from. I am truly interested in what is happening and feel as if I understand how things work. My heart goes out to the people here, friend and stranger. I wonder if I'll ever come back. I hear it calling my name sometimes. Or is it the memories of this place? I don't know...it's Tuesday afternoon, and I have way too many people to get in touch with to contemplate these things.

All this to say, I am glad to be here. :)

Just when I gave up on finding a welcome to NY sign..there it was...this is my passing glance. 

First stop on the east coast...Greenville, SC. We have been helping Melissa and Surge move into their new apartment. Surge's friends are from Mexico City so I am learning a lot of new words! More to post later... 

Day 8 - Jacksonville, FL

So far, I have had two interviews, have found 2 walmarts, the closest mall, and Micheal's craft store, have visited the beach twice, have had quality time with the fam, have made way more wedding favors than I can count (not for me folks, not for me), have made a couple of new acquaintances, have attended a church with some people my age, and as of tomorrow will have acquired a brand new license and registration. Things are moving along.

On some days I am totally overwhelmed. On most days and I am content to settle in and explore this new place. I am still glad to be here.

To all of you NYers I will be there in less than a week!! Can't wait to see you and hug you and hear about your lives.

Mom and I were walking along the beach and picking up shells yesterday, when all of a sudden a pigeon crash landed into her. How many birds have you seen run into your mother? The whole scene was a bit comical. As we crowded around the poor bird, it would not move, except for flapping its wings only once. We couldn't tell what was wrong, or if the poor thing would recover. I was afraid it would drown seeing that the tide was coming in at that point. Mom suggested that we move it. "Move it? Is it okay to touch a pigeon?!," surprised that mom would let me touch a possibly disease ridden bird. My compassion got the best of me. I put my hands around the bird's wings and began to carry it to a grassy area away from the open sand. The bird only struggled a little. I think it realized that I was there to help. :) When all was said and done, being the concerned, bird loving, beach tourist that I am, I walked up to the tanned and very nice looking lifeguard and explained the whole situation. He said he would call someone (but I had my doubts about that). We walked away, not knowing if the bird would survive. As I worried about it all the way back down the beach, mom reminded me that God remembers even the sparrows that fall out of the sky. That helped a little.

My first new friend in Florida...who consequently comes from NY also. Small world. :) 

Florida is even better than I imagined.

I am glad to be home. Although, it is odd to sit and think that I will not return to Tulsa. All I know now is the name of three roads, that Panera is the closest wireless internet service, that there is a very refreshing pool in my neighborhood community, and that aside from my family I have one new friend two hours away.

It helps to have a friend here with me at the first. I feel like I have a comrade in the exploratory phase of this new place. Missy traveled with me to my first interview which went very well. The school sits next to the Kennedy Space Center. I may end up working there, but am pretty sure that I will try to get in closer to Jacksonville. Everyone I talk to tells me that I will have no problem finding a job. I just keep praying that I will step into the right job and be where I am supposed to be.

Anyways, tonight we will be going Salsa dancing...or to the lessons anyways, she wants to surprise her fiance, who is apparently very good, for the wedding. I'm kind of excited, but wonder, what does one wear to this type of event?

I see His hand in all of this and I look forward to the days to come. I feel more awake and more hopeful in this place. I wonder if it was just the geographical shift or if there was something else that changed just by my making a decision to step out. I feel God drawing me. I just hope that I listen more and assume less. Nevertheless, God is good and faithful. I wonder if I will ever completely understand.

Tourist picture. :) This place has been on my computer as wallpaper for a few months, when I saw it we just had to stop. We were just about the only ones awake at this time of day and took full advantage of the moment. 

One day, I hope to play inside these doors. 

Playing a song in Nashville, my very first appearance...June 12 @ 5:30am...outside of Ryman auditorium. 

Contemplating and dreaming. 

This is my friend Missy who is traveling across the country with me this summer. It was she who convinced me that we MUST stop in Nashville and take a picture in order to keep the vision moving forward. :) She is a faithful friend. 

Playing with my camera again. I like the way it turned out. 

Twenty six hours after leaving, we arrived in Jax (aka..Jacksonville, FL). Lots of rain on the way here...have I ever mentioned how much I hate driving in the rain at night? Missy did a good job of getting us through.

We stopped in Nashville at 5:30 am and took pictures in front of the Ryman Auditorium. I will be posting the pics as soon as I figure out my parents computer and have more time.

Florida is picturesque from what I have seen so far...lots of green trees and lots of water. My backyard alone is full of turtles, geckos, ducks, frogs (including tree frogs), and who knows what else?

It's good to be here. I'll post more later...for now, I'm off to bed to get some sleep before my first interview tomorrow.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Ugh..I should have packed the kitchen stuff when mom and dad were here. I have acquired quite a collection of dishes and appliances. Almost done packing at 2:41am. I will be waking up in about four hours to start again, go to breakfast, get last minute walmart items, pack up my car, take a picture of my oru bench.

I won't be posting for a couple of days. Prayers and phone calls are appreciated while I am on the road. Missy will be with me...we're excited about our last road trip together...she is getting married this summer.

To those of you in NY....I will see you soon (2 weeks!). Please plan accordingly. :) Pip, too bad we haven't synchronized our watches.

Goodbye, Tulsa.

Picture of the evening.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship...and it's all about you Jesus.

One of the most important things to me in life is to let people know that they are loved and accepted. I cringe at the sound and sight of someone who believes that they are not worth being loved. I want to run to them right away and tell them the truth about who they are. And although this is one of my strengths, I have recently found that it is also one of my downfalls.

What gives me the right to reject who someone is or how they live? Because if I reject them then how will they ever come to know God? How will I ever be the light that Christ has called me to be? That is the process that goes through my head every time I want to say, "no". Who knew that the desire to make the people that you love happy, could turn into hurt and regression and dishonesty.

Ughh...I have been looking at the patterns in my relationships, and I see that I have not spoken clearly about what I have felt is right or true in my own heart. Instead of trusting God's truth, I have found ways to change the subject. Instead of trusting God's promise to work all things together for good, I have taken action when actions were not needed. Instead of trusting God to speak for Himself, I have spoken when I should have been silent. Instead of trusting Him to order my steps and the steps of those around me, I have held on when I should have let go. Instead of trusting , I have spoken and related and loved on my own terms, and I have held too tightly to the role of savior.

Pleasing people will never lead them to God. I am learning this. Truly loving someone is being able to tell them "no" even when it is highly uncomfortable and you want with all of your heart to say "yes". I saw that this week and I saw people walk away. And it hurt. But I know, all of this will turn out for my good and ultimately it will turn out for their good too.

Tonight, I am glad and it would be a long story to truly explain why. I will say this though, that I have found strength that I once did not think I had. It is strength that came through seeing my own weaknesses. It is strength that I prayed for at the moments when I felt like I was going to give in. Change is coming to my heart...I am so thankful.

A Summer Evening in Tulsa


The great thing about Tulsa is that there are parks that continue for miles along each side of the Arkansas river. My good friend Paul and I began our evening adventure along this spot.

This is a view of the City of Faith...part of the Oral Roberts University campus. It used to be a hospital...now it contains many businesses as well as a cancer treatment center. Fun Fact: the heighth of each of these buildings equals the exact same measurements as the heighth, width, and length of Noah's ark. This is only one example of ORU's unique architecture.  

This is the dam along the Arkansas River....I just learned it's name only a few days ago...and I have lived next to it for how long? :)  

Fountains. 

Paul and I were watching the water pretty closely...there were huge fish caught in the waterfall. Too bad they wouldn't jump up for the camera shot. 

I think this picture of swirling water speaks for itself. 

I don't know how old this bridge is....up above it is actually where train tracks used to be. Anyways, I enjoyed the built-in bench and had to stop for a picture. 

What kind of Oklahoma tour would be complete without spiders? As the sun begins to set on the walking bridge, hundreds of spiders come out for their dinner. They were everywhere! ...which is why this bridge is also called "the spider bridge". Umm..I did not get this close to the spider...notice the blurryness...it is called zooming in with the camera.

Tulsa skyline as the city lights begin to turn on. 

Psalm 27:13

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed

that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

The sun just slipped its note below my door

And I can't hide beneath my sheets

I've read the words before so now I know

The time has come again for me

And I'm feelin' the same way all over again

Feelin' the same way all over again

Singin' the same lines all over again

No matter how much I pretend

In the words of Norah Jones, the final week in Tulsa has begun. I know how this process runs its course. I've done it all before. But goodbyes do not come easy and I still do not know what the future holds. I am sad. I am reminiscent. I am excited and ready for adventure.

All I do know is that God has prepared the way ahead of me. My only peace is the one that surpasses all of my understanding. Why Florida? Why now? Why me? All questions I hope to have answered in the coming weeks and months, perhaps even years.

Putting a rough year behind me, and moving forward, I want to believe that there are good things ahead. I want to believe it with all my heart. Lord, renew my hope and help me to see what you see.

The skies lit up over Tulsa tonight. I was out on my balcony hoping not to get blown away by the 90mph wind!!! (no exaggerating folks) Actually, it wasn't that bad in my neighborhood, but lots of trees were blown down elsewhere. The thunder was so loud it shook our apartment. 

Scribbles. 

Kinda makes you wonder what's hiding up there in those dark clouds... 

This is one of my favorites this evening. 

More Lightning 

MSNBC.com
Secret to wedded bliss ? saying sorry

British couple holds record for longest marriage at 80 years

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8047095/?GT1=6657

In response to a recent comment left on my blog, I am making this post tonight. I keep asking myself, "How far will you go to love someone?" I look at the story of Hosea in the Bible. God told him to marry a prostitute and to continue to show her love even after she had left him for other men and had had children that did not belong to him. Would that happen in our society today? I think it is probably quite rare. When someone hurts me, I want to leave them...I do not want to pray for them, I do not want to be an open door for them. Even when I know that they are hurting, it is hard to look on them with love and to be a faithful friend. But that is who God is...He is faithful, He is patient to wait for us, He understands where we are and He does not hold it against us. God's heart towards us is full of unconditional love and the desire that we will come to a point of being able to freely love Him in return. I have a long ways to go before I get to the point of truly living in this way.

The rest of this post is to John and to every other man or woman who commits themself to the service of freedom:

For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.

Romans 5:8

Passion is not just in words, it is in actions. This verse came to life for me because of your examples. You fought for people who sometimes do not even know their own need for freedom, who often fight against you as you lay down your lives for them.

Thank you, John, for fighting for our country. The sacrifices that you and Joe have made have greatly challenged my faith. Am I willing to die for my country? Even more, am I willing to die for the faith that I claim to hold onto? You laid your lives on the line and you set a standard. My life is changed because of you also.

I ran across a new blog this week...Joey is now linked conveniently to your right. Her blog is refreshing and sweet. Check it out. :)

It is way past my bedtime and I just got off the phone...

At one o'clock this morning, I was on the computer talking away with a friend, when the phone rang. Sure enough, the area code indicated that it could be only one of two people. And wonder of wonders, it was the one who promised that I'd never hear from him again.

I believe that God prepares us for moments such as these. Even on the way home tonight I was contemplating the big move and talking to God about the things that I was going to miss about this place. This person who called was also on my heart as I prayed.

So although it was a surprise to see the number on my caller id, it was not a shock as I answered the phone and heard the voice on the other line. Nonetheless, the nervous feeling that I have not felt for quite some time rose up in the pit of my stomach. I had to hold the phone with both hands.

After sharing with this person that I had decided to leave Oklahoma, we began to reminisce a bit. I was drawn into a conversaton of favorite memories and inside jokes. His last memory was very simple. He talked about watching me blowdry my hair on one of his visits. He said that those moments of just watching me do my normal routine just kind of stuck with him. He said, "The good stuff is being able to see people as they really are." It reminded me of a story I heard from another guy who lived in Africa. He said in his community, if they wanted to visit with someone, they would come into the house, say hello, and then squat down silently and watch the people of the house go about their normal routine. After a good amount of time, the visitor would stand up and say, "I have seen you", and then be on their way.

How many people know the real you? How many people see the pre-made up, pre-breakfast, comfortable, relaxed, uninhibited you? I think that is why I miss my friend so much. Because there was a point in our lives where we knew each other, really knew each other.

Four months ago, I would have walked back into an unhealthy relationship. I am so thankful that God was faithful and led me to a place where I could find freedom. There has been a twelve year cycle in my life that I have not been able to escape. And tonight, I escaped...or rather was made aware of my rescue. I sat behind an enormous and safe wall as someone threw pebbles to draw me out. But instead of breaking into my safe haven, the pebbles only clinked and fell to the ground. They did not hurt me anymore.

Dad is the kind of guy who knows how to pack...seriously, if anyone could bring the proverbial camel through the eye of the needle, he'd have a good chance. I was helping my dad pack the truck two nights ago. I looked up at him and asked, "what can I bring you, dad?" He looked at me and answered, "everything". In the context of our conversation his response made perfect sense. But it was also one of those moments where words transcend immediate circumstances. What I heard was more than just a request to bring the rest of my boxes to the packing area.

My dad carried the load that I could not carry with my own car. My dad covered the expenses that I could not cover. All I had to do was bring what I had so that He could arrange and put things into their place. In the midst of this, I saw a picture of me and God, my Father. Isn't God the one preparing the way for me? Isn't God the one who arranges my life? All I have to do is bring Him what I have and what I need Him to carry for me. It makes so much sense.

...What does He want from me? Everything.

I don't know about everyone else but when I think about the term "everything" I hear this groaning inside of me that says, "oh no, what if I don't get these things back?", "what if giving 'everything' requires more than I can give?" This groaning turns into apathy and stores itself as pride. "I can do it on my own. I can go into debt paying my own way. I can handle the stress of trying to find my own way." That or I give the lip service that claims everything but holds much less. "Oh God, you have everything...I give you everything...you have ALL of me." When really, I spend my whole day making choices as if it did not matter to Him. I worry about what I am going to wear or who I am going to talk to or how I am going to make a payment. And I don't even to stop to say, "God, what is your heart about this? What is your will for me today? What should I really be doing in this situation?"

He makes a way for us when we don't know the way. He gives us everything we will ever need. He is there when we need Him. And it's so simple to just bring it. All He asks is that we bring Him our boxes, the precious things we carry with us, the junk that we don't know how to throw away or get rid of. He will arrange it, He will carry it.

...And when the time comes, He carries us.

God carry me and take my fears as I enter this new season.