Have you ever been on the receiving end of careless words? You know, the words that just can't be true, the words that had never crossed your own mind, the words that cut straight to your heart, making you want to plead with their giver to see things another way? Maybe they were words about you. Words that stripped away your worth. Words that held you captive. Words that confined you to hurtful secrets and painful memories. Words that were strong. Words that came from someone you trusted, someone you loved. And maybe they were strong enough to make you think about them twice. Maybe they were convincing enough to hold in your heart and you began to ask questions like "why?" and "how?" and "now what?".
Have you ever held onto those words long enough that you actually began to believe them? Maybe not, maybe you're one of the smart ones, one of the strong few who is able to follow the age old saying of rubber and glue and never let a negative word affect who you are. Maybe you are able to see the lie straight away and never worry about what others think. But maybe, you are the opposite. Maybe everything anyone has ever suggested or thrown your way has somehow marred you, shaped you, tossed you in a different direction, caused you to wear your heart on your sleeve. Maybe words have been a very powerful part of your life. Maybe you are still hurting and you are still unsure of who you truly are.
I think there are still some of us, who have picked up undetected words. Sure, we have been wise enough to recognize blatant slander and throw it out with the morning trash. We have been careful to stay away from those who would hurt us outright. We have been seasoned and changed enough to forgive a wrong committed against us. And while we are honest about how we feel and love and dream, we certainly do not wear our hearts on our sleeves. But what about the surprises? What about the disappointments? What about the interruptions, when we find ourselves pouring out our hearts in mid-sentence, and the someone we trusted, suddenly walks away, telling us we are not worthwhile, or lovely enough, or fill in the blank? What about the times when we asked for forgiveness and received judgment? What about the times we have asked for a second chance and told that we were undeserving? What about the times when we have loved and have received empty words and promises in return? What about the flippant statements our friends and loved ones jokingly use...about our hair, our clothing, our choices, our stature, our lot in life? Oh, it's just a joke right? We can laugh about it can't we? But do you? When you are looking yourself straight in the mirror, straight in the heart, straight in the way you are looking at your life...are those words shaping you, are they telling you who you are?
And suppose your answer yes. What have they done to you? What have those words told you about your life? Have they told you that you are not enough? Have they told you not to expect very much? Have they told you that even if you did deserve anything you might as well give it away to show that you don't need anything, don't want anything...at least you won't get hurt...at least you'll look better...and then maybe, better words will come your way. People will start saying, "Hey, that person is pretty cool". They will start liking you, inviting you places, being your friend. Pretty soon, you find yourself working to be surrounded by good words, going out of your way to look good, look humble, look nice, say all the right things, do all the right things, perform, perform, perform some more...so that...people won't see the other words. They won't see your fear of not measuring up, your fear of not being the best looking guy or girl, with the best hair and the best clothes, having the most accomplishments and best experiences. They won't see that all this time you have been running to save them and help them and care for them, you have only been after one thing...words...words to tell you that you are worth something.
But suppose you had a friend, who gave you honest words? Of course, friends can still fail you...but this friend knows that and is very up front on this matter as well as does their best to apologize right away. But suppose you had a friend who saw past all the walls you had placed around you. Suppose your friend saw your fears and said, "I love you," anyways. What would you do then? Because your fear is still there. The words are still there. The words would tell you that you didn't need such a friend. The words would tell you that you are doomed to be the worthless person you've always felt yourself to be...at least...always, since the words were given to you so long, or not so long, ago. The words would tell you that you couldn't be that kind of friend back...not really. You wouldn't ever be enough for them would you? They might as well not expect very much of you, might as well never hope that you could love with the same freedom that this friend has been offering to you. They should probably look for a different friend. You would probably be better off on your own...or maybe with someone who didn't expect you to stop believing in your words. So, given the chance, what would you do? Who would you choose? The friend or the words? And let's call those words "fear". Because by now, you are afraid, that all of those words said about you, that you began to say about yourself, that something kept whispering in your ear....are the fears you are now fighting...the fears that keep you up at night...keep you running...keep you from who you know, that you know, that you know, that you know, you want to be deep down inside.
And deep down inside, that person, is so worthwhile. You are worthwhile. If you never picked up another tool to do your work, if you never said another word, if you rolled out bed and didn't do you hair or shave another day in your life. YOU ARE loved. You are worth loving. That's all you need to know. You were created by a God who calls himself "Love". An early mystic once wrote that we were born out of the laughter of the trinity. If you knew your worth, you wouldn't be going around looking for it anymore, trying to fit in somewhere, trying to make your way. You would only believe and rest...kind of like a child who never thinks twice about jumping into his grandparents arms and asking what gifts they have brought from their trip, like a little girl who comfortably sits in her daddy's arms and listens to a story. You would begin to forget the careless words, so carelessly thrown into your hands. You would begin to believe that you belong to a God who makes all things new, who sacrificed His own life just to be with you, who longs to be gracious to you, show you His kindness and provide for you.
I hope that you choose a friend who speaks in an honest language. I hope that you do not try fighting your fear, "the words", alone. A friend will pick up the phone thousands of miles away and cry with you when you don't have the strength to drive home. A friend will hug you every day just to make sure that you are okay. A friend will tell you that you are not too much bear, that you are worth every moment, every effort, and every penny of fighting for. A friend will pick back up where you left off, redeeming any time that was lost. A friend will be honest and tell you the truth, even when it hurts. A friend will fight for you and not give up until the battle is won. A friend will speak life when everything around you seems hopeless and confused. A friend will sit with you quietly when there are no words left to say. A friend rejoices when you have good news. A friend will stand alongside of you to see your dreams come true. A friend will still love you when you choose to walk away. A friend, who is born out God's love, will give you new words to believe in. And even if they do not know all the answers, hopefully they know "The Answer"...and His words make all the difference.
So choose your words. Choose whom you will believe. The fear or the friend? Because
even the wounds of a friend are faithful, they are born of love, and hope, and faith. But the wounds of fear will separate and destroy what you have loved...keeping you in disillusion, and telling you that what you loved, that who you are, was never worth anything anyways. And if you are a child of God, deep down inside, you know....that you were meant for more than this captivity to your fear.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Ecclesiastes 4:9-11
