So 2 years ago I struggled with a decision. My choice ended up being not to take a chance on someone who was asking me for it. I say it was a struggle because part of me really wanted to be with him, and the other part of me was scared to make that decision. What an idiot I was, like one of those fools tossed back and forth by the waves of the see. Within the past month, I keep thinking to myself, either I have changed, he has changed, or I never really saw what was there. It may be a combination of the three. I am now more willing to make my OWN decisions not based on what others around me would think. I am more willing to follow my heart and take part in a relationship. He seems more settled, more focused, more joyful. And there are parts of him that I know I never really took the time to see.

Here I am now with the opportunity to see what is there. And I see it. I see so much. I love every minute of being with him. And there's only two weeks left.

You know, here is what I am learning. I am learning that you can't force things. The best relationships happen naturally. You have to enjoy the day in front of you. I could sit here and regret my decisions two years ago (and I do). I could sit here and be sad that soon he will be more than 2,000 miles away (and I am). But I would miss the moments of friendship now. I appreciate him more at this point in my life. Maybe it's because I've had a chance to mature a little bit. Maybe it's because I know my time with him is short. Ughh...I don't know. But I do know that what little time I have left, I just have to take it for what it's worth and make the most of it. And even that is scary.

Someday, I hope that the time and place will be right. I still need time to mend and heal from this past year, this I know, though it's hard to admit. I also know that he is about to enter a new season of life, one that I could not compete with and would never wish to. I will wish him well as he leaves, knowing that it's best. But I won't like it, not one little bit. And way deep down I will hope for us to meet again.