I left Rochester, New York on January 5, 2001 to attend Oral Robert's University. I went with a full heart and all the excitement one could muster for the college experience far away from home. Within my first couple of weeks at ORU I said, "Well, Tulsa is a nice place but I don't think I'd ever want to live here permanently." I assumed that I was only here for a "visit" while I attended college.
I have now been in Oklahoma going on five years. When asked where I am from, I still respond, "Upstate NY". Even my license plates carry the evidence of a far away state called home. I cannot bring myself to trading those things in.
I never meant to leave NY for good. I always thought I'd go back. And, then, without warning I began to consider the fact that I may never go back again. I think almost everyone has this dilema at some point. Do I return home or do I make my life in a new place? So, for quite some time, I have battled with this very question. Where is home? Here or there? And when is the right time to make such a decision?
One month ago, I began to long for NY again. I wanted to see the lakes and the hills and the green (well, you know underneath all that snow). I wanted to be with my friends whom I love so dearly. I wanted to be near my family, go into business with Jenna, drink coffee with Wes and the whole Starbucks gang, line dance with Beth, talk to Wen in person, walk the Charlotte pier, and most importantly see my friends start their families and hold their little babies. I was on the verge of "coming home". And then, the unthinkable happened....home moved.
What?
How can I go "home" if my own family is not there?
It's like God knew, so long ago, that one day I would not belong in Rochester, NY anymore. He didn't tell me. He kept it a secret. On the day I left for college I did not know that some of my friends then would not be my friends now. I did not know that my parents would leave their jobs and pick up for a brand new start thousands of miles away. I did not know that I would stay in Tulsa, Oklahoma to teach five and six year old children who were only infants at the time of my arrival. I did not know that "home" would become a visiting place.
This is only the beginning of my letting go. This is only the beginning of my search to find a place of my own, a new place to call home. I have always moved because my parents moved. I have always struggled because I did not think the moving was fair. But not this time. This time, God pointed to a place called Tulsa, OK and I went. I moved on without even knowing the fullness of God's plan. I'm on my own with no one else but God to ask for directions, with no one else to cry to when I think the circumstances are unfair. And now that I know, I am asking again...God, where do we go from here?
I went away to college planning to return, but I never returned.
God had a different plan.
So that is the rest of the story...for now.
4 comments:
You may not be living here in Rochester... and OK may home now... but... ill speak on behalf of the lil groupie of us, theres always a home here for you whenever you need a place to visit, a retreat, a reminder of good times and sweet memories, and a reminder of the friendships that are still cherished and still growing even from far away... and dont think i wont be calling for coffee shop input hun... youre still gonna be opening this place with me from across the country :) God just knew all along we needed "Paulette" to have her outside perespective in giving Holy Spirit input from outside this lil rochester bubble :) know that you may be miles away from family and friends, but know that youre not alone... phones on 24/7 - so in the midst of a chaotic day at school,or the best day ever with the lil ones, or some crazy boy story, or just needing prayer for direction or whatever.... know ny is just a phone call away... always. i cherish your friendship april, from the day i met you till forever. youre a blessing in my life. now us new yorkers just have another vacation place as well :) love and miss ya april! ~jenna
aww..Jenna..you brought tears to my eyes...thank you :)
Hey April,
I don't know you remember me, it's Sarah Sweeney.
I found your Blog on Pj's Blog.
I hope you don't mind me reading but I had to say that as someone who is in your place, I understand.
I miss home, I miss Bethel, I miss friends, I miss the beach and playing with my cousins, but you know what I am so grateful for what God has done in my life.
Honestly, I am saved now, safe and free to fully live life.
I was dying before we moved down here.
Beth was the one struggling physically but I was the one dying emotionally, on the inside.
God really had to do a work on my life but I am so thankful that He did.
Now, I do not know whether or not I will move back to Rochester or not. To me, my home church, where my heart is is Bethel, yet at the same time I have to remind myself that things are not the same.
Relationships and peopel have changed so I am sitting in the hands of God, safely waiting for his leading.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I understand, believe I do! And if ever you want to visit just e-mail or call us! We would LOVE to have you!!
Sarah
Sarah, of course I remember you! Thanks for your words of encouragement. We really do need to meet up; I've been promising your bro for a long time too. I see you have a blog so I'll be keeping up with you. I am glad to hear of the good things in your life.
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