Through

Sometimes God sends someone to awaken your tired, weary heart.

We talked about this someone tonight...and I remembered...how real, and beautiful, and painful that season had been. I remembered how I was never quite the same afterwards. My perspectives changed. I walked away knowing there was more.

I felt so alive and so beautiful, so much like a woman and a child all in the same body...he brought adventure, laughter, comradery, passion.

And then...he disappeared...and oh, the pain, the question of not feeling like I had been enough. This, this was the desire of my heart. Why had he come into my life...only to leave again?

I am old enough to know that if someone crosses our path it is for a reason. God's timing is so absolutly perfect. We do not run into each other by chance. We do not connect by mere accident.

And so what was the reason...for him? To this day I have only one answer...to awaken my heart again. Since that day, I have not been the same. I have longed to taste that life again; to grab ahold of the energy and the warmth of those days in early spring; longed for a love so seemingly unconditional and accepting.

Why am I writing this, in the early morning hours of my birthday? I'm not sure. I have spent my 27th year letting go of this experience. I have spent it trying to glean the lessons that I must learn. He might have saved me from compromising my heart in another way. He might have saved me for this very day when I would be looking ahead for more of God's BEST. But the whole truth is that God saved me, continues to save me...for Himself, for His plans and purposes...and that is the best love I can imagine.

If I had stopped there a year ago...stopped to rest in the arms of this someone...I would not be here writing this blog. I would not have known what He could do in and through me in this past year. And for that, I am thankful...to be at home, to be loved and to be waiting.

I had to go through to get here. Sometimes that's the only way I suppose.