Kindness

I remember kindness. I remember receiving more than I deserved. I remember being thankful and wishing I could give even just a little bit in return. I remember learning that my heart was worthwhile, that I had value. I remember feeling important and taken care of.

And, of course, it wasn't all roses. Of course, there were misunderstandings and annoyances. Of course, there were days of tears and sad goodbyes. But as I reflected today, on all the comings and the goings of my life, kindness was the word that kept running through my mind. From family and friends, from strangers, from those I walked with for awhile. I was given beautiful pictures all along the way of what it is like to love and to be loved. It remains as the desire of my heart. And although I'm not perfect at being kind, and I have to apologize more than I would like to admit, kindness is the thing I desire most...it calms the heart and brings out the best. It covers a multitude of grievances and failures. It brings about changes that once seemed so impossible.

It was a listening ear on a late night park bench in the middle of the 3rd world series game. It was a valentines dinner when "everything had to be perfect" but kept falling out of place. It was being told that I was not to feel guilty, ever, when a guy paid for dinner. It was being told that I was beautiful at random moments...at just the right moment. It was magic and dreaming. It was a scolding for not calling right away when I had returned home for the summer. It was the hug right after the first time I spoke in front of church. It was the prayers prayed for me. It was hauling furniture across the city or across the country for that matter. It was traveling 2 hours both ways every weekend just to take me out and spend time with me. It was the perfect gift. It was and still is a smile when I walk in the door. It's making dinner when I don't have the strength to even pour cereal. It's late night phone calls to help me drive home. It's word of assurance when I feel afraid. It's dancing in the middle of the room and singing in my ear. It's the twirl in the airport. It's the note I come home to after a long day. It's holding hands. It's hearing that someone believes in who I am...even after I've done everything wrong.

I don't hold onto the past or live in it, not at all. But tonight I am reminded and encouraged, that even though life has dealt a whole bunch of lemons...God's kindness has never failed. He has never failed to place people in my life to show me what life was really all about...what love really and truly feels like. It feels safe and secure, quiet and strong, jealous and unrelenting. It's a fire that will not be quenched...no matter how hard it rains.

Thank you seems so small in comparison to the way my life has been touched.

Today, as I hiked the loop around Radnor Lake I passed a woman in her 50's probably, with red hair and a kind face. She did not say hello to me, but she smiled. I imagined today that if God met me along that same path, He would probably smile at me just like she did. I passed her twice. And each time she smiled I felt the tears of relief...I was loved...I am loved...by a God who knows my name.