Saturday, August 21

I had forgotten that the act of following our hearts is full of risk and consequences. I had forgotten until just this week how raw and vulnerable I could actually feel.

My reality is questioned on all sides. I stand alone, knowing the direction that I have wanted to take and straining to see if that is really where I am headed. My greatest strength and weakness lie in the same place. I dream beautiful dreams and then believe that they will surely come to pass. And it's not that I am a hopeless romantic full of fairy tale ideas that will never come true. It's not that I feel the need for something flawless and perfect. I just want the best.

I have walked away from the church, and found that I am only a child in my walk with God. And I have trusted a heart that may not be trustworthy at all. I am not even going to contemplate the choices I have made recently. I am not going to live in regret. I went forward with a full heart and I will continue to do so. It's only that...I am remembering the pains of a struggle I faced long ago. I felt sure that all would be different this time. And it might be that all will turn out better than I can see right now. But it looks empty and dark in this room.


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