Seeing Christ

I remember the moment so clearly. Standing in the middle of my living room, late at night, holding the one thing my heart believed in. It should have been a moment just like any other, a moment leading to many more just the same. But a sinking, helpless feeling crept in and in some untangible way, I knew it was the beginning of the end.

It is moments like these that have recently crept back into my day. For some reason I have been brought back to remember. In the midst of worship tonight I began to see it again, feel the pain. Why, God? Why now? Why is it so hard to move my heart in a new direction? Will I always carry this disappoinment? Will I always question the hope that tries so hard to spring up in my life? Will I ever move beyond this? Will I ever see something better? Will there be a new day? New love? I wish there was a way to put every memory in a box and send it on its way. I wish there was a way to take out my heart, wash it clean and let only the light in. I wish there was a way to make joy the only station broadcasted across the soundwaves of my life.

And so tonight, as we sang "You are the only one I live for" over and over I just began to pray. I want so badly for it to be true. I want so badly to walk away from disappoinment. I want so badly to know what it means to see God and see His promises come to pass. I want so badly to say that Christ changed me and see that same power change others.

And so, as the memories pass by this is my prayer, "show me Christ". Show me where you were in the midst of it, Lord. Show me where you are in the midst of me now. Show me Christ and let His power become the power that changes my life...transforming death to life, light to darkness, disappointment to hope, insecurity to confidence, shame to relief.