As the realization set in of what was about to take place, I looked up to see a gardener came out of nowhere, right to the very place I was sitting on that bench. He said hello with a big smile, apologized for interrupting, and begin to set new plants in the ground. He was so joyful, so opposite of how I felt on that beautiful fall afternoon. And then there was that bird, that I had never heard the sound of before who kept blurting out his song all around me; kept reminding me of my grandfather when he would sing in the sanctuary of his church. In that moment, I had this feeling that I was not alone...that in my deepest despair...He had shown up to remind me that all would be well.
I thought I knew God pretty well. I thought I understood the depths of His love. What I didn't know was that I had been missing out on so much more. What I didn't know was that half of my heart was laying hidden and dormant beneath obligations and routines...beneath fears of not being good enough and being too much all at the same time.
So He fixed that too.
What I didn't know...was that when life changed...
I would love my family all over again.
I would appreciate my friendships so much more.
I would grow into a place of wanting to give more than I could get.
my answers would become less important than my questions.
I would learn to depend on God...and He would be enough.
What I also didn't know was that I would be free to love and to be loved in a deeper way than I ever imagined. I didn't know that life would look so much more hopeful, so much more happy exactly one year later. And with each passing day, I am seeing God's heart all along was to give me my heart's desires. But even more than that...knowing the Lord has become my desire...and to me that makes all the difference...it makes everything else so much sweeter...so much more full...so much better than anything I could have ever attained on my own.
If you are reading this today, and way deep down inside you are wondering if there is more....
there is.God is the great designer, great orchestrator of all things good. He is into the perfect details of making things beautiful, strong, and just right.
I didn't know that it was okay to hope for more. Now I know. God is an extravagant, gracious, loving Father. He longs to lavish us with good things. If you let Him take you into the process...He will bring you through in ways you never could have imagined.
This is Mike. And I never imagined him. :)