Enough

These moments come too few and far between...you know...the ones where the only thing I can do, is ignore my to do list and sit in the silence after listening to a few amazing worship songs...and think...there's more.

I am realizing that my perspectives have remained small. My expectations have been slightly off course. And I realize that I have put others above Him. I have respected their thoughts and opinions more than I have waited on His. I have not let His perfect love define me. I have hidden in fear of being rejected or put aside. And I'm not really sure why. But I'm ready to face this. I'm ready to become the Ruth that slept at Boaz's feet, the Esther who boldy entered the courts of her king, the Rebecca that left everything she knew to marry Isaac, the Mary that trusted the word of God. They did not let their fears define them. Instead, they let their love for God define the course of their lives.

I have said many times recently, "I feel so much like that wave tossed back and forth". And I hate that thought because the book of James says that that person should not expect to hear anything from God. And then just the other day I read that verse again. It is the person who doubts who becomes that wave.

Have I been doubting? Have I been asking without believing? I am sure that it is all too true.

Here's the heart of it all: I have been allowing my desires to speak above His answers. All of my "what if's" have come to the forefront. And really, as I have allowed them speak louder than the words of God...it has become sin. No wonder I have not been at peace. No wonder my heart has not been at rest. Because it is only when we set our hearts on God, on drawing near to Him, that He gives us the desires of our hearts. Not the other way around.

The Lord keeps saying to me..over and over...to whom much is given, much is required. And I believe that this will sum up my life. He has already given me so much...now it's my job to believe Him, follow Him all the days of my life...to count the cost, to run after His heart, to show the plan of rescue to those who are in need Him. And I will. I will follow Him. No matter what. Because if I turned back now...there would be nothing to live for.

There is more. There is always more. I said this to my good friend Jilli tonight. We have as much of God as we want. We have as much of His plan as we choose to embrace.

And so tonight, I choose not to wallow in my unanswered plans and desires. I choose to set my heart on the author and finisher of my faith. I choose to believe that His love IS and will always be...enough.

Save ORU

As most of you have probably heard, ORU is going through some difficult times. It is hard for me to say anything against the university...my life was changed there, for the better. I knew God had called me to be there. My sister has also been blessed to be a student there.

However, rumors were constantly being spread about the family who ran the university. Those of us with wisdom stayed out of the debates...it only led to cynicism....and cynicism can lead to so many other things.

But the truth will always be found out. I pray that God brings truth and spares the university and the purposes He has for it. People all over the world have heard the gospel because of this place.

If you'd like to read more go here: Save ORU

Single

It's amazing because for as long as I can remember I have wanted to get married.
And now...in the face of new relationships I am second guessing that desire. It has been at the heart of every break-up, every time I have turned away for the hope of something more. In the back of mind, I have asked questions. But what about going to the nations? Would he go with me? What about singing, writing music and pursuing that passion? Would I be able to do this and still be committed to him? Each time, the answer has come along as "no". And each time I walk away I am drawn deeper into the heart of God, deeper into His plan for my life, and farther away from the desire to simply commit for the sake of be committed....if that makes any sense.

I joined eHarmony about two weeks ago. I had been thinking about it for awhile actually, thinking that it was about time I started to step out and take a look again. So when the 60% off coupon came along I jumped at the chance. I've met a couple of people...via email, not in person. But this question keeps coming up....what about the music? What about going and pursuing the calling of your heart? There's a very real chance I would lay it down in order to follow someone else's heart and calling...someone else's idea of what life should be. And it's at this point that my heart does a little bit of a flip-flop and I realize...I may not be ready to commit yet. I may not be ready for a family of my own. There is still more of the single life to chase after. There is still more of God to pursue.

Imagine...marriage and music...two of the biggest desires of my heart...competing for a chance to be fulfilled. And that's when I realize...that HE is my greatest desire. God, the one who has romanced me through the year, the one who has shown me the nations and asked me to walk through His fields, the one who has given me songs in the night, the one who takes me on adventures and walks with me.

I don't want to miss out on this romance I am tasting in some ways for the very first time.
And then again, in a tangible way, I do not want to be alone on this journey. I want to have a friend and companion to share this adventure with God. But only if it brings as much joy as I have now...only if it holds as much promise...as much excitement...as much intimacy. I now understand why Mattie wants to stay at the monastery....pursuing the God he loves. I now understand how there are men and women who are pursuing their passion and totally at peace with being single.

Praise God for the day I meet the man I will marry. But praise Him also for the days leading to that day....they truly are a gift.

Nashville

I'm about to follow a dream
To trust Him at His word
To believe that there is more
And step out
step forward
Let Him meet me there
And we'll see
as the days and nights unfold
What will become
Of these words, this song
We'll see
This is the dream bigger than I could hold
This is one I could not imagine without Him
This is the one
And I'm about to take the first step.

Good Gifts

DJ pointed out to me last night that her kids have taught her so much about the heart of God. As I went through today with my own kiddos, I was aware of our conversation.

R. is the sweetest little girl, but she is also headstrong, stubborn, and so longing for love and attention. There are good days and there are bad days. There are many days when I have to go way out of my way to get her back on track. This is true for teachers everywhere I am sure. However, she has a heart that longs for relationship. And every time she is in trouble, she writes an apology note explaining her situation. She apologizes over and over again, telling me how much she loves me and wants to do the right thing. It touches my heart every time, of course. And I just thought to myself today...she has the same pattern of behavior issues in my class...it is often a repeating pattern. But I would never kick her out. I would never stop loving her, accepting her, working with her to do better. There will be a day when she will move on from me but there will never be a day where I would not welcome her back. In essence, I was reminded of the verse that basically says, "And if we [earthly fathers] know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more does the Heavenly Father know how to give and even long to give good gifts to His children?"

Encouraging, isn't it? Yeah, I thought so too.

Defined

I passed a milestone this past Thursday. And it may seem so simple, but it showed me something....

My lessons plans were done by Thursday night. I had planned on finishing them early, so that my weekend would be free for moving. What I didn't plan on was all of the extra ideas that would pop into my head, causing me to make yet another list of 20 things to do in my classroom this coming week. I took Friday off of school in order to pack...worried about the kids all day...debated over going in to collect their tests and papers at the end of the day...decided not to later on in the midst of my already busy day...then, thought all weekend about the rest of the class plans that needed to be made.

See, usually my lesson plans get put off until Sunday night. Usually, I hem and haw, feeling guilty about my "work free" Saturdays, lunch with friends after church, possibly a nap or two, etc., etc.

Even now, I am sitting here thinking about the missions update I need to send out to so many people...it's coming...dvd, pictures, newsletter all of it. I'm thinking about the music I'd like to start writing again. I'm thinking about the business that Lys and I only dream of at this point. So many things...and I wonder when I will actually find the time to pursue them.

All of this to say, that after finishing my normal "busy" work early on...I realized that it will never be enough. I will never be done with the feeling of having to do more. There will always be another project, another improvement, another way to achieve success. Now I see how work can become an addiction.

Now I see how easily we can become lost in the day to day striving.

Yesterday morning, Z., one of my students, came up to me while we stood in the line for the restrooms. He knew he was supposed to be quietly waiting his turn but he just had to tell me what happened that morning. Right before school, his mom had let him hold his new baby brother. He was so proud, so excited about the new life that he was able to be a part of. And I thought to myself...this is what life is about...not paperwork deadlines...not standards and rituals and routines. It's about enjoying the small, meaningful moments that can almost escape us if we are not careful.

I am so thankful for this move. I am thankful because the time I spend with my parents will now be planned and purposeful. I am thankful because I am living with two girls who know how to grab ahold of life and enjoy the moment. I need them right now.

I could almost get wrapped up in trying to perfect this job I'm in. It will never happen...no matter how late I stay into the evening...no matter how many hours of sleep I sacrifice. Yep, I'll feel awful good about the great job that I'm doing. But when I check my heart...where will I be...where will my song be playing...where will I have met with God? I'm not really sure...I have been too busy trying to be perfect...trying to be defined by the work that I do.

After dropping my kids off this afternoon...I walked back to my classroom and talked with Nan for an hour. It was raining outside...the classroom flooded with light contrasting the outdoor gloom. As she talked about heading home, I thought about the work that needed to be done. I decided to leave it and go home too. Tomorrow it will be waiting...and I'll think..."if only I had stayed...". But what is life without the prospect of love and spontaneity and enjoying a rainy, Tuesday evening with friends in your new apartment?

It's time to find the balance. It's time to follow my heart. Most importantly it's time to walk with the Lord and rely on His grace...not just my own strength.

Emeralds

"Miss T., they were talking about you," he said very seriously as he pulled me aside in the line.

"Oh really? What did 'they' say?"

He cleared his throat, stammered a little...

"It's okay, you won't be in trouble if you tell me."

"Well...they said...that your eyes were like emeralds."

"Oh," I said very importantly. "Thank you for letting me know."

"And they said you were ugly."

Ah, if only they had stopped at the emerald part... :)

Through

Sometimes God sends someone to awaken your tired, weary heart.

We talked about this someone tonight...and I remembered...how real, and beautiful, and painful that season had been. I remembered how I was never quite the same afterwards. My perspectives changed. I walked away knowing there was more.

I felt so alive and so beautiful, so much like a woman and a child all in the same body...he brought adventure, laughter, comradery, passion.

And then...he disappeared...and oh, the pain, the question of not feeling like I had been enough. This, this was the desire of my heart. Why had he come into my life...only to leave again?

I am old enough to know that if someone crosses our path it is for a reason. God's timing is so absolutly perfect. We do not run into each other by chance. We do not connect by mere accident.

And so what was the reason...for him? To this day I have only one answer...to awaken my heart again. Since that day, I have not been the same. I have longed to taste that life again; to grab ahold of the energy and the warmth of those days in early spring; longed for a love so seemingly unconditional and accepting.

Why am I writing this, in the early morning hours of my birthday? I'm not sure. I have spent my 27th year letting go of this experience. I have spent it trying to glean the lessons that I must learn. He might have saved me from compromising my heart in another way. He might have saved me for this very day when I would be looking ahead for more of God's BEST. But the whole truth is that God saved me, continues to save me...for Himself, for His plans and purposes...and that is the best love I can imagine.

If I had stopped there a year ago...stopped to rest in the arms of this someone...I would not be here writing this blog. I would not have known what He could do in and through me in this past year. And for that, I am thankful...to be at home, to be loved and to be waiting.

I had to go through to get here. Sometimes that's the only way I suppose.

What would you do?

What would you do if you heard of a man dying without God?

What would you do if given an open door to his bedside?

What would say to those mourning and in despair?

And if given 10 minutes alone in a funeral home with the body of this same man...what would you pray?

I wonder if your answer would be the same in reality as it is now in the comfort of your stature as you read this blog. I wonder if your answer would have anything to do with whether this man was a friend or stranger, or whether his religion was anything close to yours. I wonder what you really believe about the power of God?

I wonder because I have seen a man this week and I have been asked the very same questions.

I thank God for the gifts He has given me in this past week. He has given me a friend and prayer partner to do battle with. He has given confirming words to let us know we were hearing from Him. He has given us His joy and His peace...the kind that surpasses all understanding. And He has given us opportunity to rise up in faith and to be bold as women of God.

On the first day, we interceded for his healing and salvation. I kept hearing the word chutzpah. When we looked it up we found it to mean, "the character of someone who has the gall, after murdering his/her own parents, to throw himself/herself at the mercy of the court, because he/she is an orphan". Upon reading this, we were convinced that we had been standing in the gap, asking for God's mercy to be upon this man as he faced death for the wages of his sin.

We prayed for 2 days and on the second day we were able to go into his hospital room. This family was Hindu but they welcomed even our prayers over this man. Upon leaving we prayed more. My friend praying with me clearly heard, "He has sent His Word". We believe that God heard our prayer and rescued this man. Two hours later, his life support was removed and this man passed away.

It has now been 2 days since his death. My friend and I planned to meet for the viewing today at a certain time. While we were driving we talked on the phone and laughed, marveling at the possibility of men and women being raised from the dead...and how even today, it could happen. We both admitted to asking God for such a thing to happen. When we arrived, we found the room to be empty. The funeral director told us the family had left for a couple of hours to eat. He then left us alone in the room with the open casket. Could it be? We stood and prayed...calling on God for His will to be done, calling on God for what we thought could only be possible through Him. Why not ask Him? Why not?

I wish I could see what happened in the spiritual realm today.

After about ten minutes, the funeral director walked in and began to talk with us. He told us why he did not wear a watch. He said that once, he had visited the Basilica in Rome...when the Pope was there to speak. And while he was there, his watch was stolen...he believes it was by a man who had actually befriended him. Well, they found the man, but never found the watch. He continued to explain that when such events at the Basilica occur there are thieves everywhere. "Can you imagine," he said, "we were in the most holy of places on earth, coming to see such a holy person, and there were more thieves there than anywhere." His statement hit me right away...although he was speaking of things manmade, it reflected something in the spirit. The enemy knows when the glory of God is coming, and the enemy plans to set out and steal from the people of God who are gathered. How important that was to hear today. So many I have talked with this week know others who are dying or who died during this past week as well. So many are without hope and despair...the enemy has set out to kill, steal and destroy. That must mean one thing...that the glory of God is on its way, that it is here even now. That must mean that there are many who are ready to hear the word of God...who are waiting for His rescue, for His return.

There is so much more that has been planted into me this week. If only I could express it all. Thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph.

Thankful

I've been standing on a mountaintop for a few weeks now...and I see my life.
How good it is to know that God has been there...orchestrating, loving, molding, shaping. I have been so afraid. I have been worried. And now I look back and see that I never had to worry at all. God is faithful to bring us through. I see that now. He is faithful to show us the truth...about Himself, about ourselves.

Like my good friend PJ said, I really have no words...I am just thankful.

Thankful for the family that I have grown up in. Thankful for the good memories. Thankful for the hard lessons. Thankful for the friendships I have been given. Thankful that I have remained single up to this point in my life. Thankful to be walking with God and seeing His plans unfold.

I am with my grandma and my great aunt and uncle this week. And although I am 27 years old I still feel like a kid being with them. Especially my uncle. I don't know the half of what he thinks about, but he is full of logic and conservative views. He was once in the Navy, so even now we have specific plans and times for each day. But my uncle, sees beauty...I want to listen to him every chance I get. I get excited about being around him to hear what he is going to say next. When he interupts a conversation or insists that we hurry along...it's only because there is something beautiful or amazing to see around the next corner. And his vocabulary is so fun to hear. Today before we even arrived at the restaurant for lunch, he made the plan for our entry and talked of how we needed to "capture" a table.

Thanks to him we have not missed a color in the sunset, an opportunity to see boats being constructed, eagles flying overhead or the way a rock has been formed by glaciers.

There is so much joy in watching God's creation. There is so much joy in stopping to admire the beauty of a sunset or the way rocks have washed up on a beach. It is here that I have been able to be still and know that He is God.

Divine Appointment

I'm in Honduras. I don't have a whole lot to say at the moment. One thing is for sure, this is a divine appointment in my life. I kept thinking as I was walking through the airport..."This is a new beginning." I am staying in a beautiful pink house, in an apartment I have all to myself. The pastors here took me to the store for groceries on the second day. Every morning I get up to spend time with children in the orphanage close by. I return in the afternoons to help the older kids with their homework and once even to teach them a Bible lesson. I feel at peace and so provided for. And I have been able to sit and listen to missionaries who are experienced on the field. I am learning so much, so much. I will write more soon.

No Matter What

How do we have hope when we do not understand? What do we believe, when what we believed does not come to pass. I've been asking God, asking Him for the truth.

He is answering. There is this deep question in me. It is very closely attached to my desire to be married. Because a majority of what I've thought about during my lifetime is the relationship I will share with someone someday, the days when I will start my own family, the places we will go, the life we will share. I've never doubted that it would happen...year after year...through broken hearts and disappointments...through friendships and beautiful moments. But in this past year especially, I have seen that it can be gone in a moment. I have seen that God could send someone, the biggest desire of my heart...and then he could disappear sooner that I would have wanted or imagined.

I'm here this week visiting with friends who are really more like family. And this thing has come upon them. They have lost their father, their husband...a man, a pastor in the prime of his life. And the thing is they prayed for healing, they prayed for a different answer. But he went home anyways.

So what do we believe? And how do we move forward? I know God has a plan. I know He will work all things together for good. So many testimonies have come out of this time...salvations even. I know God has been and will continue to strengthen this family. I know they will rise from the ashes of this time.

I am learning to live my life with open hands. Allowing God to weave His story. Letting go even when I do not think it should be time. Holding on to Jesus, the only security, the only safe place in this world. Everything will change. We will say goodbye. We will turn around and miss someone we love. But God is still good. He is still speaking. He is still moving us forward, bringing life with every breath. And we have to trust Him...that His plans are better, that His ways are higher...that He loves us more than we could ever know.

And someday we will understand. Someday we will find joy in the tears that He has collected. What a beautiful and mysterious journey we are all asked to take. I have always wanted to travel with a friend. But I am finding that the only friend who will stay from the beginning to the end is God Himself. And I want to know Him more. I want to stand secure in His love and say, "No matter what, I am with you."

God Answers

"Faith is the substance of what we hope for, the evidence of things we do not see."
Hebrews 11:1

She asked me not to tell anyone about what's going on...so I won't tell her name...

I have had this friend for 11 years. When I first met her, we were in our junior year of high school, working together at a local Bob Evans. She was living alone, dating an abusive boyfriend, and had no relationship with her parents who had also been abusive throughout her childhood years. She had been through a number of homes and had run from the authorities on several occasions. This girl was a girl on the move and my heart went out to her. I told her that if she ever needed anything she could call.

I don't know how to explain the past 11 years in one short blog...I don't think it's possible. All I know, is that a girl who was once hardened by years of abuse and rejection, who once would have fought any person who stood in her way or misunderstood her, a girl who has been told that her body is fighting against her and has spent nights in the hospital room, a girl who has been cheated on and abused and still stands in the midst of all of these things....is at peace.

We talked yesterday for a little while...catching up on her latest move and what was happening. She shared about events that I had hoped she wouldn't have had to go through. She shared about more heartache and pain that I really felt possible to bear. She spoke of so many things....and in the midst of it all...she said, "I don't really worry about it anymore. I feel like that weight has been lifted from me." Could it be? I thought to myself....Could it be? I asked her why. I asked her...because the girl I knew so long ago...would not have spoken with so much peace. The girl I knew would not have said, "I know God will do what's best for me...and I will do whatever He tells me to do." I asked her if she was trusting the Lord...and she said, "yes".

Years of prayer...of long phone conversations...of reaching out and hoping...of seeing glimpses and the gradual softening of her heart, and then, all of a sudden, one day...the answer comes. My friend has put her life in God's hands. I didn't need to hear that she prayed the prayer...that she went forward to the altar. I heard the peace that pervaded her every word. She's not fighting anymore. She knows her life is in God's hands.

I am so humbled and in awe of this whole situation. I am so thankful that God has allowed me to be a part of this amazing person's life. She is stronger than I am. God has given her much grace. I feel released today. I feel like I've been waiting so long for this news...I've been holding on...and today...I am more ready to move forward than I was yesterday. I'm ready too see what else He has in store.

Please pray for her as you read this. Pray that God strengthens her, and heals her and provides in a way that only He can do. Her name means, "wanted child"...please pray that she knows how much God loves and accepts her and welcomes her with open arms.

Long Day in the Delivery Room

Last night..look very closely and you can see the beginnings of the hatching.

Our first chick born this morning at 11:15am...name: "Chris"...we voted...other choices were Booker T. Washington, Jr. and Peep-Peep.

Second chick. No name yet. We were able to watch this one come fully out the shell as a class. It was a beautiful moment. As Daija said, "I am so happy for these chicks, Miss T.!"

With this cute little face...do you think we got anything done today? Umm...no. I couldn't even concentrate and I'm the teacher. :)

One second they're up...the next they're out cold. We're expecting 3 more by the morning.

Seeing it Through

Again, tonight it happened...like so many moments before..the label. The one that puts me in the quiet box. I hate it. I have hated that label since I can remember. Of course, it could be the fact that many times I find myself the listener, the observer. It could be the fact that I am usually the newer one to the group. I have plenty of friends or family who know the difference...but they have known me for a lot longer. They know that there is a bundle of energy just waiting to happen.

No one has probably ever meant any harm with their statements, "Oh, you're always so quiet..so calm." I know what they mean. I'm not loud and in your face. I'm not the one who fights to take the spotlight. But that's not what I hear. What I hear is that I am not noticeable. What I hear is that I am easily overlooked, not as fun...and therefore, not as important.

And so there it is. Carrie and I talked about the lies we believe about ourselves the other night. And this is one of them. I believe that I am easily overlooked, not as important, not as beautiful or as noticeable as the rest. And whenever the "quiet" statement or something like it comes up...as much as I hate it and want to rage against the label...I am stuck...because if others are seeing it, it must be true right?

At the core of who we are...we want to be known. And in the midst of being known, we want to be accepted. It's no wonder we are hooked on Hollywood and reality television shows and internet dating sites. It's no wonder we are so concerned about our reputations, our fashion statements, our resumes and our success stories.
It's no wonder that I am so disappointed when I have been misunderstood or misinterpreted. It's no wonder I have felt entirely inadequate when comparing myself to those around me. My perspective has been all wrong.

The Bible states that we did not choose God, but that He chose us...this verse is full of acceptance. Scriptures also go on to say that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. Which tells me that He knew who we were...He knew our darkness, our pain, our grief, our hopes and dreams. He knew it all and yet still wanted to be with us, still wanted to lay His life down for us.

So the truth is, I am accepted and loved and important. Now if only it would get through to my heart. Then I would know better when given a label...I would know that the label doesn't matter. I would remember that to know others and to be known by them takes patience and unconditional love.

We have to look beyond the surface. We have to see to the heart of people. We have to ask God for His eyes. Because Jesus never labeled anyone by their behavior. He saw their heart and He drew the real, authentic person out. I want to be that type of person. I want to be surrounded by people who strive to do the same. And more than anything in the world, I want to be that confident, fully alive person...the one who never gives a second thought to what others may or may not be seeing...the one who cares only about the thoughts of an unconditionally loving and merciful God.

Passing Days

3 more days...and our little classroom chicks will hatch.
30 more days...and my students will leave for the summer.
And with every single one of these days, I am overcome with the goodness of God...with our need for His healing...with our need for life beyone the here and now.

I am encouraged on every side...by friends and family and students and strangers. And still I find this struggle against known and unknown. A lot like the chick breaking out of her egg. No matter how much my students want to see them come out. No matter how hard each chick will be struggling to break their eggshell open...we cannot help. We must not open the egg. It's the struggle that strengthens that little chick. It's the process that allows its life in this world.

And I suppose I must remember this with my children. They are fragile...and often I feel that I have been so impatient by the end of the day. I see their frustration through the eyes of time management and standards. I want to push them through. And I can't. They must do it on their own. I can give them what they need... education, structure, a hug, a word of encouragement...but I cannot grow for them; I cannot open their shell.

I am continually reminded of the words of Mother Theresa..."In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." And as I think about this, I think about the fact that all of us want to be important. We all want to do something great, something noticable. But what if that is not what's important? What if the small, unnoticable acts of kindness and love are greater? I believe they are.

I was challenged with this question earlier this week: "Who's kingdom are you building?" Of course, I would want to say.."God's kingdom". But how many times have I said or done things to make myself more important, to make myself more loved, to make myself more well known? It breaks my heart really...to think about it. Because for so long...my faith has been about what makes my own life good.

And while walking with God will always bring unmeasurable goodness to our lives, there is so much more. What about knowing Christ? What about hearing Him speak into our daily lives? What about speaking to Him, as if He is our best friend in the world? Depending on Him as we would our own husband or wife, or mother or father, or sister or brother. What about sharing Him with those we love most in this world? What about sharing His love with a complete stranger?

When will we begin to reach out? When will we step out from behind our walls and begin to walk with this great God who saved our lives? When we do...they will be healed...these people around us who are so desperately hurting. When we do...we will find joy...apart from the American dream...apart from things and circumstances and yes, even other people. When we do...we will forgive and find forgiveness.

Back to the beginning. Who knows the number of our days? Only God. Tomorrow things will change...we will change. We will find new distractions and we will find opportunities to know Christ better. We will find closed doors and new opportunities. We will find open doors and long lost friends. We will look and see our days passing before us. The question is...How will you spend your days? He has set life and death before each one of us. He has set eternity in our hearts. So how will you live? And how will you show others to live? It's what I'm asking myself tonight.

Hot Topic

"Miss T., I found you a husband."

Even though we were standing in line in the hallway and my students were supposed to be standing without talking, I had to hear the rest of this one. So I asked this little guy..."Really, where did you see him?"

"At the store," he said. "He's a Marine. He was dressed in his uniform."

"Did you tell him that you had a teacher who needed a husband?" I asked.

"No, I didn't tell him."

"What did he look like?" I asked, hoping for some good information. :)

"Well, he was wearing a uniform."

"Was he taller than me?"

"No."

"Was he shorter than me?"

"No."

"What color were his eyes?"

"Blue."

"How are we going to meet?" I asked again.

"I don't know, but I found him for you."

I thanked my student for the good find, flattered that he would be looking out for me even on the weekends. :)

I never bring up the subject, but out of the blue, usually in the middle of math or some other tedious project.."Miss T., how you 27 and you ain't got a man?" These kids are on a mission this year. They have written books for me on how to find a husband. They have drawn pictures of my wedding day and dates I should go on, etc. When the single police officers walk the hallway they make sure to ask me loud enough if I like him or not. Some even claim to know what my husband's name will be. So if there are any Steve's or Jerome's out there...you might want to leave me a comment...lol.

It's Time

I spoke with a dear friend of mine this evening by phone. We haven't talked in about 8 months probably. I'm not even sure how to write down what I am thinking after our conversation together. She is working in a place where so many have poured out their lives for what they believe in. And even though we have known each other for quite some time and shared our hearts quite often, I felt so honored to speak with her tonight. Our words had to be censored, I slipped a couple of times and felt so bad about it! Until you are not allowed to say the name of God or speak openly about what He is doing, you do not realize what a privilege we have in America. I did not realize how often or how easily Christian words came out of my mouth. Even now, writing this blog I feel like I have to censor what I am saying.

As I spoke with her, I began to think about our times together in the past. I thought about the prayers we had prayed together...on city street curbs, on living room couches, in parks and backyards, in cars, in church, in college campuses. I thought about the dreams we had shared with each other, literal dreams that breathed the hand of God. I thought about our times of worship; times when God's spirit was so strong. Those days were seeds. We were in the beginning days of our journey. And now, although the seasons have changed and taken us in different directions...we walk with the same God, we are of one heart...that this world will be changed, overtaken by God's glory.

I feel so...grown up. This is for real. My friend is doing the work of the ministry we only dreamed about eight years ago. She must trust in the promises and protection of God every day. She must walk by faith. And she needs my prayers, my support...and the prayers of so many others.

We talked today at our missions meeting about the purpose of missions trips. We talked about going to battle and warring against the darkness and the oppression over people's lives. Soon, I too will be going into unknown territory. But today, in this very moment...I have a mission. I will walk into school tomorrow and there will be a battle to win for the Lord. I will be here at home praying for the people I love. I will be out in public, and someone will need prayer or a word from God.

As a kindergarten teacher, I set up "dramatic play" centers. They were centers where the students could go and "practice" grown up things....from playing post office, to playing house, to being a doctor, etc. I believe that there is a season for all of us to be involved in those centers; seasons to practice what we will one day eventually grow into. Tonight, I am impressed with the fact, that it's time to put away those centers. It's time to do the real thing. God give me the wisdom and the courage to know what you are calling me to.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ~1 Corinthians 13:11

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. ~Ephesians 4:14-16

Garage Band

So, check it out. A couple of years ago I heard about a worship event taking place in Berlin, Germany. People all over the world were planning on attending. And since I had been at One Day and experienced the amazing time of worship and fellowship there, I knew that this worldwide event would be just as amazing. I definitely thought about going, but did not have the chance. However, I did sign up for the newsletter that came from the coordinator of the event. I have been receiving this newsletter for probably about two years.

This past week, I saw that this coordinator and worship leader was going to be in Jacksonville. I researched and found that he was actually going to be at the very church that I attend. On top of that, I found out that he was going to be sharing with worship leaders on Thursday night. And even though I do not lead at a specific church, I asked if I could attend.

To make a long story short, God has answered more of my prayers this week. I have been wanting so much to be able to grow in the area of worship. Not only in musical skills and knowledge of songs and what not, but also I have just wanted to be around other musicians who love to worship the Lord....not worshipping the worship, not worshipping the song leader...but the Lord...first and formost. I have been longing for that place. And tonight I walked into this very type of place.

Twelve or so of us sat in a good sized garage, each with an instrument or microphone and we worshipped. Sometimes loud and sometimes silent. Sometimes with voice and sometimes with only instruments. I would have chosen this garage over a million stages worldwide. It was the intimacy...the non-show if you will. It was our hearts poured out as we shared fellowship with the Lord.

Rochester, do you remember when we sat in garages and parks and in front of church buildings on clear summer nights? Do you remember when the presence of the Lord visited our small group of friends? I remembered tonight. I remembered how worship had become our favorite activity when we came together. I remembered being changed and losing my taste for anything else but the real deal.

Tonight, I walked into this place...greeted by divine appointment. I now have a place to go and record my new songs. I now know others who are pouring their own hearts out in worship, others who I can hopefully learn from and grow with. God has given me a place.

Noel Richards shared his heart with us tonight about worshipping the Lord together. He said many things that stuck out to me and convicted my heart. First, "worship without mission is self-indulgent. mission without worship is self-destructive." Second, "it is not about the performance. it is about our relationship with Christ." Third, Noel himself quite a few years ago got together with a few musicians. They all said, "let's just worship together and see what God does." And so Noel, Matt Redman and Martin Smith and a few others gathered together and began to worship....out of those beginning days...came the songs we sing today. They began in a place...much like the place we were tonight.

I don't know what to say on nights like this. I am amazed at how God can use newsletters and random (so we think) encounters to connect us to people and places and opportunities that just yesterday seemed so far away. He gives me reason to believe that there IS a future and a hope. And I am humbled. Because I do not want to forget God in all of this. I do not want to forget that it is Him whom I worship. He is the reason for the song in my heart. Whether I worship in my room, or in a garage, or on a stage in front of many people...I want my heart to remain the same, constant and loyal to the only ONE I have come to worship.

Worth Your While

So, if you have 30 minutes, sit down and watch this worthwhile video. It's about a Muslim man who comes to Christ.