Life has changed drastically in a matter of days.  I no longer have a church.  I am with someone whom I have longed to be with.  And life as I know it has ceased to exist.

IF I tried to explain my current situation to a number of friends who have known me quite well throughout the past few years, I can see the look of concern my comments would raise.  After all, I am not searching for a new body of believers yet.  I just can't.  I have to sit down and pray and walk with God through this season unhindered.  What, how can brothers and sisters in Christ hinder me?  Well, how can they manipulate and control to the point of paralyzing those around them?  That's exactly what has happened to me here and I am not about to jump into another place where that could happen again.  I need time.  I want to heal.  I want to gain strength.  I want to know God for myself.

And the guy.  :)  Well, he has resurfaced too many times in my life to just walk away again.  I had to see WHY we both ended up in the same place.  I had to see why I missed him so much at times in my life, including these past couple of months.  Chalk it up to getting over someone, I used to do that, but the truth is this happens like twice a year for the past seven.  The truth is we always come back to each other.  A lot has happened to both of us.  We have lived very opposite lives.  But in the midst of it all, we just love each other, truly love each other.  I'm walking this out for once without giving up.  I am not backing away, even if I get scared.  I have told God this.  If this is not of Him, He will make it clear to us both.  I am full of hope.

Life is going to get interesting again.  I'm finally living my life.