This slow but nagging thought continues to come at me. "I might be in a place I did not have to come to." Somewhere, back down the road, I dropped my heart off and continued on traveling. What if I had listened? What if I had chosen different relationships, different endeavors? Where would I be now? Would my heart be so broken? Would I be so confused? Would I be more confident about WHO I am supposed to be? Then, I think, "No, God works ALL things together for good. I'll be fine." But I am not fine. I am afraid. I am afraid of the battle, I am afraid of fire, I am afraid of letting go.

When I let go, truly let go, I know that I am going to free fall for what seems like an infinite moment. And in that infinite moment, I am sure that I will forget that He created me to fly. I don't want to face that moment. On this side, I only dream of what could be. On the other side, the dreams become reality. Right now, I am struggling. I have been clinging to all that feels safe for as long as I can remember. I have been afraid to go it alone, because I don't believe that I can. I have not believed that my heart was good. I have not believed that I could hear the voice of God.

So when the sun rises tomorrow, I am going to muster up as much courage as I can and I am going to look for the mustard seed of faith that has been missing for quite some time. If only I could find faith, I might begin to fly.