Two Years

I remember the day I walked out of my religous safety net and into the world. I remember God's arms around me tight as He set me down to take my first steps. I fell into dirt and mud and cried because I didn't think that I could go on. But, there He was. He picked me back up, set my feet upon a rock. He put a new song in my mouth...a song of praise to my God. Life has never been the same. I just hope it keeps getting better.

Two years have passed this summer. My heart has not been the same since. I left religion on the doorstep of my own apartment. I left church as I knew it. I haven't turned back. That summer revealed an open door I had never known...it was the door of making my own choices, of hearing God with my own ears, seeing Him with my own eyes, making my own mistakes and tasting grace that no one else but He could give.

Yes, I have entered places of worship since that time. I have knocked on doors of small groups and Bible classes in order to get plugged in. And yet my discontent remains. Where is sincerity? Where is honesty? Where are the real, life giving unconditional relationships? These are all claims of American Christianity today, but I find these claims often empty and hard to swallow. I told my friend Carrie today, "I love God. I love the people of God. But I just don't love church." It makes me feel like I have a real problem.

I met this guy yesterday who was so lost. Turned out that we were riding in the same car for my friend's birthday. He has never been to church a day in his life. The only reason he knows God is real is because he knows that someone was with him when he fell off of a two story roof a couple of years ago. As a girl with opinions and hopes and dreams I wouldn't give this guy the time of day. He was beyond rough around the edges. As a Christian, I'd be afraid to show up by myself with him at church...what would they think about what I'm doing throughout the week, right? But as a follower of Christ....I better be acting in love towards this guy, treating him as someone of worth. Even my close friends were acting as if he was no big deal. But I couldn't, my heart went out to him. So, I listened to his story and asked a lot of questions. He said I should be a psychologist or something.

JESUS hung out with the prostitutes thank you very much. What should I be doing ...staying in my comfort zone just so some guy can't hit on me and make me feel uncomfortable? He was so obviously in need of being valued. He asked me to go to dinner and I turned him down...I should have gone. Do you know what I did instead? The safe thing...invited him to church. C'mon. I can't even get myself there half the time. I should have gone to dinner. I should have stepped out of my safe little world and felt uncomfortable for awhile. Jesus would have said yes.

Two years ago I also loved someone who bitterly questioned my love for God. He broke my heart when it had already been laid out in so many pieces. I would have stayed with him anyways. I would have forgotten who I was just to keep on loving him. Someday, I know that he will see my prayers answered. Someday I know that Christ will dwell in his heart just as it dwells in mine. For now, I remember and hope and let go. For now, I learn from that season and love others around me better.