The Real Deal

I've been reading "So You Want to Be Like Christ" by Charles Swindoll as a Bible study with a group from my church. I'm enjoying it's conversation in simplicity and quietness before God. I am being challenged in my own disciplines of reading the Word and spending time in silence and meditation. Life is busy and full of noise. I know I need to sit and listen more often.

Anyways, there is this part of the book that really bothers me. It's the part where Swindoll warns his readers of those who think that God speaks to us apart from the reading of scripture. On the one hand, throughout the book, he is saying, listen to God's voice. On the other hand, he is telling Christians that we should not expect to hear a still, small voice speaking directly to our hearts. He says that God speaks only through what is already in the Bible. I am guessing that he does not believe either in the baptism or the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I am guessing that He does not believe that God speaks fresh words to His people.

Although I know that many go overboard on this topic, I believe that God speaks in so many ways through so many different people. He did so in the Bible days, why would He stop now? Yes, if we were to search the contents of the Bible, every word we have heard from Him should line up with scripture. But what about those without the scriptures? What about those who are not able to put their hands on a Bible and flip through the pages? Are they not able to hear from God? It almost makes me want to put the book down. I find it all disheartening. Even more so because I did not hear anyone else bring up the topic during our study this past week.

And so, in all of this, I am realizing my hunger. I grew up believing that God heals and delivers...that He WANTS people to be healed and delivered. I grew up believing that God speaks through prophecy and directly to our spirits. I can't remember the first time I spoke in tongues because I grew up in a family where it was a normal part of our lives. I grew up hearing about the power of God, longing to see it in and through my own life. It was only just in these past 5 years that I had become jaded by the charismatic community. A manipulative group of people and a few bitter tasting experiences can do that to a person. So I played it safe, wanting only the simple message of the gospel, the quiet sounds of worship, people devoted but not irrational and awkward. But even now, now that I have returned to a community of people who are so fired up about Christ, I feel as if something is missing. I read a book like this, I hear someone pray for a sick friend not that she would be healed but that she would be okay with not finding a cure and going to be with God in Heaven, and it all just makes me so sad.

This is the verse on my mind tonight:

Phillipians 3:10,11
[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]

That if possible I may attain to the [spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].

My prayer is, God, show me what is true. Show me what is on your heart. Show me your goodness. Show me your plan. I'm tired of trying to define it on my own. I'm tired of trying to search after correct theologies and 5 year plans. I want the real deal.