Comfort

I talked with a friend of mine tonight about beauty. We talked about the contrast we feel between culture and Godly expectations. We talked about our own disappointments and life experiences and how it has molded our perspectives. We shared our questions.

I am still wrestling with thoughts at home tonight. I am wrestling with feelings of not measuring up...with questions...with hope and dreams...with disappointments...with not knowing what is good and what is selfish.

Beyond the outward beauty, what is there beneath? Besides the Lord. Besides places and friends. Besides my life story. What is there? I cannot speak eloquently about theological matters. I cannot debate politics. Movies and music are beyond my years of experience and training. I love to read, but I hardly remember the words after turning the page.

I am fully convinced that beauty comes from the Lord. I know for a fact that God draws us in by His beauty and I truly believe that anything that is beautiful about me comes from Him. My hope, when speaking with others, is that they are drawn to God in me most of all...that in some way they are touched by Him when interacting with me.

It could be that I am lonely and only feeling sorry for the fact that there are not many to share my true heart with. It could be that tonight I am not feeling my most confident self. It could be that I am too worried about such matters as friendship and love. It could be that I do not trust others to first of all, see the real me, and second of all, to care enough to stick around when I feel boring, or lost, or hopeless, or worried, etc.

I have hope for redemption. I have hope that one day God will show me the truth...that He will blast my twisted theories right out of the water. I have hope that one day not only will I be comforted in God's love towards me, but that I will be comforted and secure in relationships which are based on inward beauty, on truth, on the things that do not fade away.