Peace

Set my heart to be at peace. That has been my prayer. And this morning as I sit in this classroom, white Christmas lights outlining the board, Christmas music playing lightly in the background, students outdoors at PE I realize that God has been in this day. My paperwork is not done, my boys are still in the business of pushing the limits, but I am at peace.

I have been so afraid...of not measuring up, of teaching the wrong things, of simply not being enough. I have been ready to give up...to simply walk away and not return. But that would not be right. Because God gave me this job. Because He has a lesson to teach me here. And if I do not learn the lesson now, I will most certainly have to walk through the same things again.

I am learning not to be afraid...of mistakes, of people's opinions, of impossible expectations and paperwork, of beliefs that are not the same as my own, of the potential that resides inside of me. I am learning to rely on God for grace every day, every moment. I am learning that this ability to wing it may be a gift directly from Him. I am learning that His ways of teaching are far better than my own and so much better than the state's way of doing things.

As much as I hate to say it, I have needed this place as much as it has needed me. Whether this season is coming to close or whether it will continue for awhile, I don't know. What I do know is that God is with me, helping me. And as long as He remains my focus, I will remain at peace and all will turn out well.