Confidence

I sat with my most favorite professor on Monday morning in Tulsa before flying back to Jax. She is my favorite because I know that she believes the best about me. She is my favorite because she has never been afraid to tell me the real deal. She has forced me out of my comfort zone, she has spoken the truth even when it hurt my feelings. And in the midst of the trials she has always offered a better way. Dr. M. once said that she did not want to teach me to become a teacher, she wanted to teach me to become a good teacher.

I told Dr. M that I wished I could sit in her classes all over again. She told me that I already knew everything. She told me that all I needed was the confidence...the confidence that I am a good teacher, that I DO know what I am doing.

She also told me that mean to me is not always "mean" for the kids. Sometimes I will have to be mean in order to love them. I needed to be reminded of that one.

God show me how to love these kids. Show me how to teach them. My grip on them seems to slip from my hands and I am desperate to draw them in again. I am desperate to prepare them for what they need to know. But the truth is that I do not even know what they need to know. The truth is that I do not know how to reach their hearts. But you do, Lord. You see straight through their behavior and academic performance. You see their lives, their thoughts, their motives, their potential. Show me how to love them God. Show me how to prepare them. Show me how to get past performance and to please you in all of this.