Tuesday, May 27

A Piece of Gum

Maybe the absence of something proves its existence.
Maybe the hunger and the thirst proves the promise of a satisfaction.
Maybe lack proves that there is a fulfillment.

I am seeing hunger in a whole new way. There must be a fulfillment. There must be an existence of that thing which I desire. There must be some sort of life giving satisfaction to quench the hunger and the thirst.

I think we are hungry sometimes and we don't even pay attention. It comes through in our thoughts and in our actions. It comes to us in the midst of a song, in the midst of a movie when the character shows us who we are, in the midst of watching a child be exactly who they were meant to be. And then when that hunger points its finger upon the very reason for its existence...that's when we begin to pay attention. But do we silence the hunger? Or do we cling to it? Do we give the hunger a name? Do we simply exist and let it become our crutch? Do we run to fill that hunger as best we can? Do we let others come and fill the hunger? What do we do when we are hungry?

I have come to the place where I don't know how to fill the void any longer. And it's hard...because I thought I had the ingredients. I thought I knew my way around the kitchen. I thought I knew the way to the store. And maybe I don't. Maybe I don't know anything at all. It's about time I go home for some good home cookin'. It's about time I let Him set a table before me.

All this to say, it is 1:30 am....and I just wanted to remind myself...that even though I am going to bed hungry tonight...I am going to bed knowing that one day...maybe even tomorrow, that hunger could be filled. I do not serve a God that is far away. I serve a God who loves me...who has good plans for my life. I serve a God who knows the desires of my heart even before I ask.

I drove to church yesterday thinking how much I would like a piece of gum. I thought to myself, "I'll ask Nan or Kevin when I get there." (They always have gum.) Well neither one was there. I walked in about 15 minutes late and slipped into a chair towards the back. Across the aisle to my left was one of the kids from youth group. I have probably only said hello to him once or twice...and literally hello has been the extent of our conversation. I looked at him across the aisle, smiled, and watched him as he reached into his pocket and mouthed the words, "Do you want a piece?" as he held up a pack of gum. The whole church was in mid-worship...and here was God...listening to my thoughts about a piece of gum.

And so, if He listens to my thoughts about fresh breath...how much more will He listen about the cries of my heart? I have to believe that tonight.

1 comment:

hope and faith said...

Hey April,
You don't know me, but you really have a way with words....email me when you get a chance, seriously.

Writing from far away along Galveston Bay in Texas.

nate
catndahats@aol.com