I am posting into the early morning hours after just arriving home from a night of babysitting, and as I post I am looking around at a very spacious bedroom. It is spacious because there is now only one person living in it. Slight evidence would suggest that a roomate existed even this morning...lotion in the bathroom, a small fan on the floor, milk and toaster strudels in the kitchen. Jilli I miss you already.

We contemplated the Howard run last night but opted to forego such an opportunity. For those of you who do not know, the Howard Auditorium is located on the ORU campus and looks like a mini Epcot center. Many students climb this odd shaped building and run its circumference despite security measures taken to keep such activities to a minimum. Instead, we walked the entire campus one last time. If you stand in a spot long enough, it is amazing how memories will come back to you. I could see people and events that took place. I could see the faces of friends and acquaintances. I could feel the weather. I could smell the food. I could almost taste the emotions that I had felt while living on a college campus. I am forever changed because of this season in my life. I am forever changed because of the people I have met and the God that I have come to know. The campus holds something great in its midst. An amazing presence of God makes itself at home on this land. You cannot be on it for long before you realize the peace that pervades everything. It is the only place in the world that I feel safe enough to walk alone at night. And although I cannot stay here, I know that it will stay with me. The seeds of greatness and of healing and of hope have been planted in my heart and as I move on I know that I will be able to spread these seeds to others.

A new season has begun. I sensed its arrival. I knew it was about to come. I knew that life would not be the same. But when it really happened today, it hit me as if by surprise. Oh! I didn't know this was coming. I didn't even get tears in my eyes until about one mile from the airport. Somehow, I hadn't informed myself that Jilli was leaving. The packing, the graduation, the last minute trip to campus last night slipped right past me.

I'm not sure if I am even convinced of my own journey out of Tulsa. I am pretty sure that it is true, but I am also afraid. I keep telling God this, continually hoping for reassurance that I am doing the right thing. This is the first time I have ever made a life decision alone. My parents are not making the decision and there are no friends to make plans and go with me.

What am I leaving behind? What am I walking towards? These are the questions that lay upon my heart. God help me to weigh both in the balances and help me to be sure.