A place to belong,
A place where my heart is at rest,
Will I ever find it?
Will there ever be total peace in my heart?
I feel as if life is just one big search for rest, for peace.
But I don't think it was meant to be that way.
What about overcoming?
What about walking in the fullness that God has for us?
What about God giving us the desires of our heart?
What about rising above our circumstances and experiencing joy in everyday life?

There has been a question rising up in my heart for over a year now. The question nags at me. It brings to the balances the decision of staying or leaving. Do I stay where I have learned to function and "belong", or do I leave in search of the something greater that my heart longs for? The thing is, I do not know what that greater thing is. I only know that right now I am not TRULY satisfied. Is it me? Or is it God? Is it the enemy luring me away from the good that God has in store? Or is the Lord, who is full of mercy, giving me time to figure out that it has been His voice all along? I am at peace when I am at the place I have been for so long. But when I leave, the constant nagging and questioning overrides the peace and security I felt in my moments of being "there" in the place of security.

I don't know if I have the courage to disappoint those who are with me now. If I disappoint them, I am very sure that I would lose relationships. I love these people. I am sure that they love me. I do not know if breaking away would cause a permanent rift, however. I am afraid of leaving discouragement in their hearts. I am afraid that I would be wrong and break trust if I ever decided to return. I am afraid that I would not know where to go from here.

I am waiting for the perfect timing. When is that? How will I know? The timing of the Lord is perfect. He does all things well. Lord, bring your peace and lead me out in peace.

Oh lead me
To the place where I can find you
Oh lead me
To the place where you'll be

Lead me to the cross
Where we first met
Draw me to my knees
So we can talk
Let me feel your breath
Let me know you're here with me

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